I'm so sorry for your loss, can't even imagine what you must be going through. Especially with the loss of your other dog as well. About 6 years ago my in-laws black lab passed away due to complications with his neuter when he was 8 months old. They were so devastated they haven't gotten another dog. It was heart breaking.
I have never had any of my personal pets neutered or spayed mostly because it's not uncommon to have complications with the spay/neutering surgical procedures. Different statistics show between 17.5% and 22% chance of complications in males AND females. Slightly less in males. You can google it, but also it changes their behavior along with a whole list of other common serious health issues. That and I don't believe in any unnecessary surgery(Our family was very shocked when we didn't have our son circumcised. We aren't Jewish, they just believed it was the normal reasonable thing to do.). Being a good pet owner doesn't mean you have to sterilize your pets...
You could get a dog that is already altered like lots of others have suggested, or you could put your self out there again with another puppy, or skip the spay/neuter all together like more people are starting to. I haven't had any issues with my intact pets, other than inconveniences. I have a diaper for the two times a year I have to worry about my female, we keep her in doors more for the 2 weeks, and separate from any intact males. With males I have had no issues. They mark more when we go for walks out side, and I don't bring them to the fenced dog park because other intact males will sometimes try to start a fight. I hate that dog park any way. I'm always appalled by the horrible pet owners. We go to the huge unfenced one 20 min away because the dogs behave, and the owners are always impressive.
I think neutering can be a good option in extreme behavior cases, but I find most intact males are more calm, secure, and... I don't know, manly. I don't want a giant idiot puppy forever. I like my pets to emotionally mature naturally.
You might not be ready to run out and get another dog right now, it must be very painful. I hope in time some of it fades.