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Old 05-17-2017, 06:41 PM
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Default Sleep Deprived and Frustrated (LONG READ)

Those who have read my other post and know my history with Angel may think here she goes again with another post but I am at my wits end right now. The separation anxiety has apparently gone to another level and as I sit here I am trying to fight back tears because I am tired physically and mentally.

Angel has slept in and stayed in her crate since I got her, so she has been used to it. Not saying she liked it but it's nothing new. She did for a while whine and howl when we left the house, but a few month ago she stopped and for a good month and 1/2 she didn't whine or howl (that I could hear) when we left. I was happy because I was thinking we are finally making progress, one thing off the list we have overcome. She is still clingy, but that is another post. ANYWHO....At night she has never whined or howled when being put in her crate. At first she was in my room, but I thought to help with her being clingy to gradually move the crate out to get her used to not being in my room sleeping. Plus, my room doesn't have a lot of room so her crate took up needed space. I eventually moved her out far enough in the living-room where she still had line of sight to me in my bed and for about a month or so she was fine, slept through the night and everything.

All of after putting her in her crate like normal at night, she had a FIT and I mean a FIT!! She whined, cried, whimpered and was clawing at her crate trying to get out. I went to check on her to make sure she was ok and try to calm her down. She finally did and I went back to bed, she started up again and I started to get up to go back but decided to go online to see what I needed to do, especially since I checked and couldn't find anything wrong, I read, leave her alone because if you keep getting up she will see that get's her attention and keep doing it. So I didn't move, I laid there hoping she would calm down eventually, she did 4 hours laters. By that time I had no sleep with her being so close I could heard it all LOUDLY.

That morning, I checked her again to make sure I didn't miss anything, and make sure she wasn't injured found nothing. Watched her during the day to make sure she was feeling well, and she ate fine, played around (in her own way) like normal. Got ready for bed, put her in her crate, she settled down I was thinking good, she wa quiet for about 10-15min and then she started again, this time louder than the night before and I didn't think it could get louder. I didn't get up or move, she carried on for a long time, so that night I got no sleep, she finally stopped around 3:30-4am and I was able to actually go to sleep but had to get up at 6:30am.

The next night same thing, I decided to close my door to try and drown out her out because even thought I work from home, I still needed to sleep to function. She closing the door was a big help because I could still hear her but at least that night she calmed down sooner so I was able to go to sleep earlier. Then the next night came and the same thing, my sister said move her somewhere she can't see you maybe seeing you is what's causing it. I was like ok, I was desperate to try it. I mean I knew she wanted to be close to me that is why she was doing it, but I was just hoping it would work. NOPE didn't she howled and whine harder and louder, she was still in the living-room but I half wall going down my stairs and I moved her behind that. She didn't whine and howl as long that night either but it was still hard.

All of this started last Wednesday, fast forward to today and every night the same thing. My mom said she is probably tired of the crate, which I understand but if I could trust her to not roam and go poop and pee when she is out at night, I would let her sleep outside of her crate, but every-time I have she has pooped and pee'd. Sunday night I decided to put her downstairs in my office, some people might want to get me for that, but I had to do something. I put her in her crate down there (not in the dark) with a light from my desktop on, made sure she was comfortable, talked to her to let her know it was ok and then closed the door to go upstairs. Before I could get in bed good, you would've thought someone was killing her. She howled so loud I was for sure my neighbors could here and I live in a house and they aren't close together. I heard somewhere to bang on-time (not too loud) to get them to stop. After suffering for about 2 hours, I did that and she stopped. A few hours went by, she started again, but stopped after 30min. I get up the next morning to check on her and she had gotten out of her crate. Don't ask because I have no clue as to how she was able to.

After a few more nights of the same thing, I decided ok maybe it is the crate more than anything so last night I put in downstairs this time not in her crate, she had her pillow and blanket and her stuffed dog. She was actually ok for about an hour and then she started again. I got up bang on the wall to my office and she stopped for a long time, this morning around 5am she started again off and on until I had to get up at 6:30am. Oh and yes I have tried putting kong's, treats etc there with her, didn't help.

Unfortunately, business the past couple of weeks has been slow so I haven't had to bake much, so she had has more access to me. I'm home like always like usual, haven't given her any extra attention, afraid if I do and I get busy again (which need to pay the bills) it will cause her to act out more. Right now I am to the point of being done. I thought about behavioral training but OH MY GOODNESS, the prices, I simply can not afford right now. I don't know what to do.

I am still looking at playpen but after last night not sure it would even help since the crate doesn't seem to be the issue her being out didn't help. I thought about putting her in my son's room, but I have to make her stay with him now a lot of time and not be stuck to my side all of them, so that may not help. And it's a no to putting her back in my room, I'm trying to move her away from that and I've read moving them somewhere else to sleep sometimes helps with teaching them be more independent.

I don't know, I'm not mad at her because that is how she is, she had a tragic experience but I honestly don't know what to do. I'm afraid of what could happen next because it goes from one thing to next and it gets worse. I'm scared she is going to hurt herself, the other morning I got up to let her out and she was holding her foot up and I thought it was broken, I almost freaked out thinking OMG she has broken her foot trying to get out. The closer I got I saw it was caught in her collar, which was still bad because I don't know how long she had been like that. My next step is re-homing her because obviously I'm not doing something right.

I AM AT A LOSS AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!
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  #2  
Old 05-17-2017, 09:52 PM
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I'm in no way judging or criticizing, don't have much to offer either but
I'll start off with rehoming I totally understand if you feel the need to do so. I also still feel bad that I even thought about rehoming Buddy Bear and that's that I've had him for 5 years. But sometimes another person/ family has a better life/style to offer.
I live with my parents and sometimes they have family over (I say it that way because I'm not much of a family type person lol) and I'd have no option other than putting Jr or Buddy Bear and Jojo (when they got along) in the living room in their crates. And Jr would cry like crazy. Of course he would settle down and has never lasted as long as your describing Angel. The boys usually were fine but because they shared the same crate, had each others company. But they'd cry a bit. If I were to put Jr out in the living room now he would cry all night because he's a dog who needs a schedule and is very attached to me and my room (I personally believe)
Does she have a crate or kennel? I consider a kennel the plastic ones that usually come in 3 pieces the top, bottom and the door. A crate is the black (comes in pink and blue also, maybe other colors now) wire ones. Thats 2 pieces, collapsible and come with a pan/tray. I only ask because when I got Sunshine (she was mistreated when I got her) she was only comfortable in the kennel because it's "closed" in. Do you ever put a blanket on top? I know Melody had recommended it to me for Buddy Bear. But of course my dogs are just constantly fighting. But I know a relative who was helping an outdoor cat who had got beat up by a cat. And they had a large crate and put it in the laundry room and covered it with a blanket and apparently the cat did calm down.
When you leave her in the crate does she have a bed/blanket/crate mat?
I'd have to look it up but at Petsmart I think I've seen like teddy bears that help I think for like anxiety dogs. Not sure exactly what they do. But maybe worth looking it up.
I'm not sure how comfortable you are with medication for her. But LICKS is a brand they sell in Petsmart (you can buy online) and I 1st found them because Jr has allergies and I just was looking into supplements and found them. They make a Zen I believe it makes them calm, apparently it's all natural. I ended up buying the allergy one for Jr but I haven't tried any others. Maybe worth to look it up.
Does she go in her crate other than the night or when you or your son are not their to take care of her? I know most people let their dogs run around at home when they are there but my dogs have always been use to people being inside the house and their still in the crates. Probably wouldn't change much but just a thought.
I personally know Jr wouldn't be able to sleep in no other room than mine. He even has issue once when this happened: it's night time and I put him in his crate and all the other dogs just like normal. And I had turned off the lights and slept with my mom that night (dad was away for work and she's not use to sleep on her own, I still laugh at her And all the lights were turned off and Jr started crying/howling. He wouldn't calm down whatsoever. I ended up having to bring his kennel and him to my mom's room. And once he saw me get in bed and tell him nighty night he calmed and fell asleep. That only happened once.
Once I went on a weekend vacation with grandparents and aunt and my mom took care of the dogs. I left her doing the normal schedule because I knew it would only make it harder for Jr if it was changed. My parents didn't get sleep for 2 nights. Jr continued to cry at night, even with the normal schedule, in my room in his crate. And Sunshine had stopped eating. I was like REALLY? and my parents were grateful for me to be back home so they could get a good night sleep.
I understand you don't want her in your room whatsoever but maybe try it one night to see what happens. Try reconsidering... than again it could be a huge set back (that's a tough one)
Another thing it was recommended by Susan for my dogs (haven't tried it and probably won't work for my dogs) but it's a pheromone that's mimics the smell of a mother dogs nursing. It's supposed to calm. It's a plug in the wall I believe and I know for sure Petsmart has it.
Apparently lavender has a calming effect on dogs. Not sure how successful that would be but lavender oil. I think I've heard like rubbing their blanket/bed with it (personally haven't tried it)
I know it must be very frustrating
I hear you on the prices for dog trainers
I feel like I'm missing something else I was gonna tell you. But for now my mind went blank.
Oh okay how about removing her collar at night just to make sure she doesn't harm herself.
I personally don't know if a pen would help. Have you tried giving her a small section of a room? Like no crate but maybe like a border where she couldn't get out, but not an entire room. Then again that's pretty much a play pen...
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Old 05-17-2017, 09:55 PM
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Just realized I kept mentioning Petsmart but I'm so use to seeing if the product is sold there because I usually always shop there...
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Old 05-18-2017, 01:02 AM
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Why do you resist her wanting to be with you, especially at night? If she is 'telling' you that she is VERY unhappy being away from you. When I first get a pup, she is IN a crate and the crate is ON my bed. I can talk with them, and comfort them. When they are OK being in the crate, I transfer them to a pen that is away from my bedroom. They may cry for a while--I put them 'to bed' at 9 pm in their pens, so I am there with them in the living room. I go to bed late, and they are usually asleep by then. I'm sorry this is happening.
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Old 05-18-2017, 01:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ari1405 View Post
Just realized I kept mentioning Petsmart but I'm so use to seeing if the product is sold there because I usually always shop there...
Ari, thank you for the response. She does sleep in a crate, the wire one (black), last night I decided to let her sleep outside of the crate just with her pillow and blanket which she sleeps on in her crate. That didn't work, I believe she wants to be close to me. Putting her back in my room was a quick thought but I don't want her to get used to that, even for one night, I am afraid it would do more harm than good. I read there was medication she could take but wasn't too keen on that, I will look into LICKS or the other supplements,I might feel more comfortable with a supplement. I have never heard of the plug in but will look it up. Tonight I am going to see if the blanket over her crate will help, I may even put one of my worn t-shirts in their with her.

I don't have anyone else (family or friends) that will take her, they like her and find her cute to be around, but they don't want a dog like that. I love essential oils but wasn't sure if using those for her would bother her in someway, so I research that to see. I am hoping tonight will be better, because I actually dread going to bed now which is bad!!!
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Old 05-18-2017, 02:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by susan davis View Post
Why do you resist her wanting to be with you, especially at night? If she is 'telling' you that she is VERY unhappy being away from you. When I first get a pup, she is IN a crate and the crate is ON my bed. I can talk with them, and comfort them. When they are OK being in the crate, I transfer them to a pen that is away from my bedroom. They may cry for a while--I put them 'to bed' at 9 pm in their pens, so I am there with them in the living room. I go to bed late, and they are usually asleep by then. I'm sorry this is happening.
Susan,

During the day when I am not working (baking for my business), even though she isn't band from the kitchen/dining room I will pet her, play with her, take her for walks but I don't do more than she is used. I don't want her to get used to that and when business does pick up again, it's back to being band and it hurts her more. God forbid I had to go back to working a 9to5 then it would really be bad. I want to get her a pen, the only place I really have the room for it is in my office downstairs.

Right now I feel like a darned if I do and darned if I don't, I spend more time with her she gets more clingy/acts out, I spend less time with her she gets more clingy/acts out. From what I have read online and even talking to the vet, not having her in my room is one thing I was told to do so she could get used to being away from me. Her sleeping in there was never permanent thing anyway, that is just something I prefer not to do. So I'm not resisting wanting her to be with me, I'm just wanting her to be a little more independent. I realize that may not happen with her and I except that, so I can't give her what she needs I will have to re-home her. I don't want her miserable being here.

I will try the pen, not a melt/iron one like her crate, a mesh and nylon one. I want something I easy to store, travel with if I need to. I will try something other things Ari mentioned, but as I stated before, if it comes to it I think she will be better off re-homed because I don't want to keep making her unhappy.
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Old 05-18-2017, 05:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by susan davis View Post
Why do you resist her wanting to be with you, especially at night? If she is 'telling' you that she is VERY unhappy being away from you. When I first get a pup, she is IN a crate and the crate is ON my bed. I can talk with them, and comfort them. When they are OK being in the crate, I transfer them to a pen that is away from my bedroom. They may cry for a while--I put them 'to bed' at 9 pm in their pens, so I am there with them in the living room. I go to bed late, and they are usually asleep by then. I'm sorry this is happening.
I have to agree with this.
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Old 05-18-2017, 05:54 PM
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Had a couple thoughts...
When you first brought her home where did she sleep? (Which room)
How old is she?

If you decide to rehome:
If you got her from a shelter/rescue would you take her back or would you rehome on your own?
Have you contacted the shelter/rescue?
I know you said you have talked to a vet but wondering if they'd have any advice.

How did last night go?

Like Susan said
I know it's basically a long shot. But maybe she could sleep in your room long term. Crate next to your bed reassuring her everything is okay. I know you said you don't have much room. But it almost seems like nothing else is working. Maybe start by leaving her in her crate inside your room during the day. So she's use to it and doesn't always mean night time. I think there is "kennel" games. Making them more comfortable. Like feeding them treats inside the kennel. I think you said you gave her a Kong inside the crate. Does she like it?
Personally I tell Jr and Sunshine "kennel" and they go running in because they know treats or food is waiting for them.
Jojo on the other hand will only walk in on his own when his breakfast or dinner is inside the kennel (all 4 of my dogs eat breakfast and dinner inside their kennels, it's pretty much a have to) I can also throw in a Nylabone or toy and he'll walk in his own. Other than that he refuses and just sits on the outside. So I pick him up and put him in there. And he'll scratch the door for a second and then calms down.
I wonder if she absolutely hates the crate or just sleeping by herself...?

I will add: I had bought 2 of those "soft" kennels. And my dogs actually would "scratch" at the "door" (the inside where it flips up) and they were able to create a "hole" on both to escape. Basically about $60 or $70 down the drain. The brand of both was "American Kennel Club" Maybe it wasn't a "good" brand. I know there are many other expensive ones. But my dogs just wouldn't stop scratching it.
I know you said she scratches at her crate.
The only time it was helpful was when Buddy Bear got bite by a dog. He was in so much pain the 1st 24 hours. I put him in there with puppy pads and blankets and he completely stayed laying down and wouldn't get up. And I was able to unzip the top flap and I'd put it next to my bed and keep an eye on him as I did stuff. But it wasn't worth the $45 for the large one. But I needed 2 extra crates and I couldn't afford it at the time so I turned to the soft crates. I learned my lesson.
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