My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We have been living together since last December. Before we moved in together, we talked a lot about getting married in a year or two. Well, it has been almost 9 months since we moved in together and he still hasn't asked. I have brought it up, and he just says "he needs to make sure everything is right". I know we are both young, but I don't want to live with someone who doesn't want to get married. I also don't want to waste time with someone who says they want to marry me but then leaves in a few years. I thought that moving in together meant we would be engaged soon. I don't want to pressure him into getting engaged, but how can I tell him what I want? I am not in a rush to get married right away- we could wait 2 years before getting married and I would be fine with it. From my perspective, there is no reason why he can't be engaged now. He is in his last term of college, has a job pretty much lined up, and has very little student debt. I am going to school to be a vet and will be in college for the next 5-6 years, so it wouldn't make sense to wait until I am done with college. When he graduates, he expects me to move to whatever city his job is in and switch schools. So, I guess my question is : Do I give him an ultimatum? Again, I am not in a rush to get married right away but I want to be sure he is 100% committed since we are living together and possibly moving to a new city together. I just don't know what to do

__________________


Thanks LS!

sorry, I may be 'old school' but I have MAJOR problems with that sentence!!

I don't like giving advice as I believe you must make decisions based on what you believe/feel is right for you....but.... maybe get a book and read about Co-dependency....

best of luck in whatever direction you choose... and I can't wait to see your dipolma posted here from VET school!

*HUGS* and *Cheeky kisses*

__________________

An engagment is no guarantee that you will eventully get married, but I would not move to a new city without the engagment and a wedding date set up. Just my opinion. Good Luck

I guess I'm old fashioned but I will give you my take.

Why SHOULD he marry you? He has you. You live together. You are together all the time. What would be different if you were married? Nothing? Well, except for that little thing called COMMITMENT.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but he has a great deal. He has you living in with no legal commitment at all! I don't buy into the theory that it's just a "piece of paper." It's much more than that. It's protection for you legally. Otherwise you are just roommates.

I know it's a cliche - but why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free? It's the same concept.

I know that 'everyone' lives together now. And sometimes it works out. Sometimes it doesn't. Just like marriages. Half of them don't work. But there is something to be said for doing things in order and WAITING to move in together until you are legally and totally committed. And that happens with a wedding.

My guess is that he has no interest in marriage now. After all, look at it from his point of view. What's the point really?

Just my opinion of course.

__________________

"Having heard all of this, you may choose to look the other way.....
but you can never say again that you did not know." William Wilberforce 1759-1833

I 100% agree with what everyone said.. I don't want to continue living with him if we will not at least be engaged, and I will not be moving to a new city with him. I am not willin to give him all if the perks of being married without actually being married anymore.
So, I told him that I will not be moving with him in the winter, and if his job stays here in town I will be finding my own place. Not sure where we will go from there... I am just not going to give up parts of my life to someone who isn't even sure they want to stay with me.

__________________


Thanks LS!

im not sure i understood this correctly but did he expect u 2 move in the middle of your schooling?if yes,y should u b expected 2 give up ur dream?i agree-he has it waaayy 2 cushy 2 want 2 change things now.

__________________

Yes, I would be moving and switching schools. While I have always wanted to move away to go to school, I don't want to do it with someone who might not stay with me.

__________________


Thanks LS!

I have to agree with everyone else. When I moved in with my husband (granted we were renting a room but still). I asked him right away if he wanted to get married, He said yes. I said if he wanted to get married we should just GET MARRIED because we're already living together. He agreed with me. So I called my mom and told her I was engaged (no ring mind you) that pretty much sealed the deal. He went out and bought me a ring the following week and proposed to me properly at the beach at sunset Every girl deserves someone who wants to be in her space & be a part of her life CONSISTANTLY. Him saying he wants to get married and than basically backing out of it by just pushing it aside isn't a good indicator of someone who wants to be commited. I would be very very careful moving to a new country, state, city, block with him if he can not commit to you now. Just not a really good sign.