I know this is a serious thread, but I really need some advice from others not involved. I made some mistakes many many years ago, and because of those mistakes my children don't live with me. They don't live with my mother either. Anyway my mother and I have a lot of animosity because I'm not living my life the way she thinks I should. Really I'm living much better than her. I have a great husband, and three children I do see on a regular basis. They do come to see me and I go to see them. However the other day a friend of mine brought me some clothes that her step-daughter can't wear anymore, and some of them were too big for my girls or they were clothes that I didn't want them to wear. So I called my aunt and told her if she wanted some clothes for her girls she could come and get them. She did. Now my mother sends me this nasty email saying telling me she is sure I'm starting stuff in the family and that I should stop. I was giving my aunt clothes for her girls. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired of her always making accusations that aren't always right. And of her hatefulness. Please help!

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Wow.. sounds pretty complicated... I don't understand why your mom would consider hand-me-down-clothing to be "starting something." My advice would be to reply and ask her why she believes that donating clothing to HELP a family member is a bad thing...? If she just has a lot of animosity and has an attitude toward you for whatever reason; she probably doesn't even think of what she's saying, and if faced with more specific questions as to why she's reacting as she does; will either stop because she can't think of something else to say; or have to admit that she's just upset at you for other reasons and is taking it out on you any chance she can.
I'm sorry you are going through this, and I hope you find some relief from the situation. All I can suggest is that if you know you're the one in the right; and she's just being more spiteful; putting her in a situation that she has to analyze her accusations/emotions will be the way to make her come to terms with it. Sounds like she's the one who needs to move on that you aren't filling whatever role she had in mind for you; and as long as YOU are happy, that is the only one it should matter to!

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Carrie, I feel your pain.
Seems that some folks just live to cause problems.
In my opinion you have two options, one is trying to talk with your mother
and put an end to this animosity if possible, and second option is to simply
ignore her. By ignoring her things will get worse before they get better, so
that's a last resort. I don't know if there are drugs or alcohol involved, at
times these things cause people to act strange and start ridiculous arguments.
Other times family members just think they are always right and no matter
what you do you are always in the wrong. The only thing you can do is live
as best you can, be a good, kind person, take care of your family and most
importantly yourself. Take care, I'm here if you need to vent or just talk.

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brilliantly said!

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Thanks y'all. I really appreciate the good advice.

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I playing!

It's hard to give you advice really, since I don't know the whole story.
Even if I did, it's so easy to tell someone what to do, but at the end
of the day you just need to follow your heart and do what feels right
for you. I'm just sorry you are not getting along with your mom, I
know what that's like and it's a horrible feeling. I've tried to be the
perfect daughter for my mother, but nothing ever works, it's just
never enough. Hubby also has a messed up relationship with his,
but we both keep trying to be good to our mothers, even though
they aren't responding in the way that we want. So as I said earlier,
I'm here if you need to talk. Hugs.

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I'm sorry for you about this. Family stuff sure gets complicated doesn't it? One thing that got me wondering as a grandmother is if she's allowed to see your children. If she's not for some reason, she would be upset (albiet not necessarily rightly so, we don't know the whole story). I'm raising one of my grandchildren and trust me, grandparents love their grandkids as much as if they were their own. I sincerely hope that you can figure out someway to mend the fences. Everybody makes mistakes in their life, you forgive yourself and hopefully time will heal. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your aunt. Maybe, if you approach it gently, she could give you some insight.