Just for laughs! Joke thread

[Christabelle]

I thought this might be a cute thread to start. I love good
jokes and who couldn't use a laugh ? I'll start off with
one I got today.


A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran
into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her
lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'

The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?'

'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

[Munchii]

I have a chihuahua related one

Once there were three male dogs who set eyes on a beautiful female poodle. They all rushed over to her. Aware of her charms, she said,"I will go out with the first one of you who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an intelligent sentence"


Immediately the Lab said, "I like liver and cheese"


"No imagination at all" said the poodle.


Next was the muscular Rottweiler, who blurted, "I hate liver and cheese."


"That's worse than the Lab" she replied.


Finally a tiny chihuahua smiled at his opponents, gave the poodle a knowing wink, and said, "Liver alone, cheese mine"


I am so cheesy (No Pun intended!)

[Christabelle]

Ha! That was so cute!

[Christabelle]

Another Dog joke

A guy is driving around Oklahoma and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a damn liar. He never did any of that stuff."

[michele]

HA Ha love these,i'll have to find some now

[michele]

Man to dog trainer: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner."
Dog trainer: "That's OK, he is a Boxer."

During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking.
One said to the other..."The thing I hate about obedience school is you learn ALL this stuff you will never use in the real world."


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[Christabelle]

A blind man walks into a hardware store with his seeing eye dog.
Very briskly, the man makes his way to the center of the
store, and stops. Without hesitation, the man picks his dog
up by its leash, and begins spin the dog around over his head.

Seeing the poor pooch flying around the air, the store manager
quickly makes his way over to the blind man. Without pause,
the manager asks the gentleman if he can help.

Without concern, the blind man replies, "Nope, just looking around.

[cherper]

Christa where do you find all they jokes??!! They had me busting a gut over here!!