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  #1  
Old 11-23-2012, 05:18 PM
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Default November ...ugh!

It seems like everyone that I have ever cared for has passed away in November and it seems like I spend November every year hoping nothing happens that year. I know in my head there is nothing wrong with November and it was just a coincidence that my dad, grandpa, and my two grandmas all passed away within 5 years of each other in November

In 1994 my dad injured his knee and went in for laser surgery on his knee on November 16th. My mom and I were in the waiting room waiting to hear that his surgery was over. The surgeon called and said that everything went well and he would be back in his room in an hour.

I had to go to work that day so I decided to go up to Daddy's room and leave him a note telling him I loved him for when he got back to his room. When we arrived up on the floor to his room we could hear my dad calling (screaming) for my mom so we ran to his room. When we got there the nurses told us we had to wait outside and escorted us to a little room for the nurses to have breaks in.

About an hour later they came and told us that he had a massive stroke and was being transferred to CCU. So we were again moved to another room to find out what was happening. His surgeon came and told us he had no clue why he had the stroke. Then his family physician (who was a friend of the family) came out and told us we had a few minutes to decide if we wanted to put him on life support because he was not breathing on his own that well. While we were discussing it he decided for us and put him on life support because dad's breathing got worse and his doctor said he had to at least give him a chance since he was only 44 years old.

We had many specialists in and out of the room from that day forward. A brain specialist came in and told us that dad would never walk or talk again and probably did not recognize us but he could possibly learn to recognize that we were loved ones again with time. He said that he would live the rest of his life in a nursing home and one day we would probably decide to let him pass away from something as simple as a kidney infection.

After ten days we had to decide if we would have a tracheostomy done to put Dad on a more permanent life support. Mom and I decided to put it into God's hands and let him decide. So we did not do the trachostomy mainly because Dad did not want to be put on life support and we knew that. (This led to a lot of family being upset because his sisters thought we did the wrong thing.)

The doctors decided not to remove Dad's life support until after Thanksgiving because they feared he would pass away immediately and his family doctor did not want us to have that memory. On the 27th of November they removed his life support but had us say goodbye before they did in case he passed immediately. Daddy could not speak or understand us we were told but I always talked to him anyhow. When I had my moment to say goodbye I told him that Mom and I loved him and always would. Then I asked him if he knew we loved him and he shook his head yes and started crying. The doctors said it was all involuntary movement but I choose to believe he understood me somehow and was telling me he loved me too.

They moved Daddy into a private room and out of CCU so that we could spend the rest of his time with him privately. Daddy lived a little over 2 days after the 27th and passed away on the 30th of November with all of his family around him.

My dad's mom passed away from a stroke within a year on November 16th of the next year.
In 1999 my mom's mom passed away on November 18th from brain cancer.

We found out later that Dad had a DNA disorder called Prothrombin Factor 2 which more than likely caused his stroke but at the time we had no reason for his stroke and it did not make any sense why he would go in for laser surgery and pass away 16 days later.

He had a great sense of humor and never met a stranger. He loved animals especially our golden retriever. Daddy used to call me every day when I got home from work to make sure I made it home okay. If he called before I got home I would find a message on the answering machine with Daddy talking to our golden retriever and sometimes making cat noises just because he knew it would make Shadow dance around. I was Daddy's little princess and when I was growing up on the weekends you did not see Daddy without seeing me. I have so many great memories of him that I am very thankful for but I would love to talk to him just one more time. I would love to be able to tell him one more time that I loved him and thank him for always being there for me and for being such a great Dad.

Anyhow I am sorry for the long ranting post. It has just been on my mind lately and I have been missing my dad and wishing I could talk to him.
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  #2  
Old 11-23-2012, 05:41 PM
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Amy, I'm glad you shared. I'm so sorry for your losses. My dad passed too, and
reading your words brought a lot of memories and tears. I'm so sorry you had to
lose your dad, but I'm thankful you got to say goodbye, to say you love him. I still
miss my dad so much. Back in Russia I would go to his grave, pull out the weeds,
clean it up, bring flowers and talk to him. Since I've been here in Canada I still
keep him in my heart and talk to him anytime I need or want to. I'm not religious,
but I think he looks after me somehow, I feel his presence during the tough
times, he helps me pull through. There is nothing wrong with missing your papa,
and it's ok to cry, even years after. Just remember that he'll always be with you.
You are never alone. Hugs.
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Old 11-23-2012, 06:13 PM
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Amy, this brought tears to my eyes. I understand loss of loved ones. My brother had been out of town on a mission trip for a weekend and had gotten back during the night Sunday night. On his way to school Monday morning he had a wreck that he never regained consciousness from and died. I wouldn't call him on Monday morning before I went to work because I was afraid I would wake him up--I didn't know he was going to go to school. My Mom was going to have lunch with him after school and hear all about his trip--it never happened. I also helped my mom care for my grandfather and my grandmother--I was very close to both of them--until they both passed away within 22 months of each other. My grandmother died the day after my brother's birthday, but it was many, many years after his death. I talked about my aunt that is 2 years older than me in another thread. One Saturday when I was 9 years old my mom, my aunt, and my grandmother went off to go to garage sales. My grandmother had a brain aneurism to burst and she died that day. We buried her on my aunt/her daughter's 12th birthday. I tell you all of this to let you know that I absolutely understand loss, death, the hurt of losing your loved one suddenly when all seems to be well with your world then it crashes down and you can't understand why people around you go on like nothing happened and life is just going on like normal. I have to say I have a deep appreciation for those who stop their cars for a funeral procession. For the people in the procession their life is forever altered and at that moment they may be having a hard time comprehending how the rest of the world is just carrying on. I think it is one of the greatest shows of respect for the loved ones of the deceased for those who stop for that moment in time. Amy, you are in my prayers, and I will pray for grace and peace for you this month and the upcoming holiday season. Holidays are always hard for those celebrating without the ones they love. Comfort yourself with your wonderful memories and know that you were blessed to have the relationship that you did have.
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Old 11-23-2012, 06:22 PM

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Amy I was so sad reading this - it's right to miss your dad and your post is very loving, he was very precious to you and he was a wonderful man from what you say.

I lost my dad almost 2 years ago - he was 90 so had a good long life, but nonetheless a day doesn't pass where I don't remember and miss him terribly.

Such sad stories above - goes to show how we should live each day and enjoy and love those close to us

Hugs to you x
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Old 11-23-2012, 06:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~LS~ View Post
Amy, I'm glad you shared. I'm so sorry for your losses. My dad passed too, and
reading your words brought a lot of memories and tears. I'm so sorry you had to
lose your dad, but I'm thankful you got to say goodbye, to say you love him. I still
miss my dad so much. Back in Russia I would go to his grave, pull out the weeds,
clean it up, bring flowers and talk to him. Since I've been here in Canada I still
keep him in my heart and talk to him anytime I need or want to. I'm not religious,
but I think he looks after me somehow, I feel his presence during the tough
times, he helps me pull through. There is nothing wrong with missing your papa,
and it's ok to cry, even years after. Just remember that he'll always be with you.
You are never alone. Hugs.
Thank you LS! I am sorry that you lost your dad as well. I totally understand about going to the graveyard and talking. I used to do it all the time when I was in WV. I know my mom still does it on Memorial Day and around the holidays but I know she doesn't do it as I did. I also find myself talking to Dad now like I used to at the graveyard. I have come to realize that as bad as I feel about not being able to keep his grave up now I still can talk to him anytime I wish just by thinking about him. I wish more than anything that he could have met my hubby. I know they would have gotten along well.
I truly believe that our loved ones do look after us after they are gone. There are times that I am going through hard times and it just feels like my dad is in my heart even stronger helping me through.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lulu'smom View Post
Amy, this brought tears to my eyes. I understand loss of loved ones. My brother had been out of town on a mission trip for a weekend and had gotten back during the night Sunday night. On his way to school Monday morning he had a wreck that he never regained consciousness from and died. I wouldn't call him on Monday morning before I went to work because I was afraid I would wake him up--I didn't know he was going to go to school. My Mom was going to have lunch with him after school and hear all about his trip--it never happened. I also helped my mom care for my grandfather and my grandmother--I was very close to both of them--until they both passed away within 22 months of each other. My grandmother died the day after my brother's birthday, but it was many, many years after his death. I talked about my aunt that is 2 years older than me in another thread. One Saturday when I was 9 years old my mom, my aunt, and my grandmother went off to go to garage sales. My grandmother had a brain aneurism to burst and she died that day. We buried her on my aunt/her daughter's 12th birthday. I tell you all of this to let you know that I absolutely understand loss, death, the hurt of losing your loved one suddenly when all seems to be well with your world then it crashes down and you can't understand why people around you go on like nothing happened and life is just going on like normal. I have to say I have a deep appreciation for those who stop their cars for a funeral procession. For the people in the procession their life is forever altered and at that moment they may be having a hard time comprehending how the rest of the world is just carrying on. I think it is one of the greatest shows of respect for the loved ones of the deceased for those who stop for that moment in time. Amy, you are in my prayers, and I will pray for grace and peace for you this month and the upcoming holiday season. Holidays are always hard for those celebrating without the ones they love. Comfort yourself with your wonderful memories and know that you were blessed to have the relationship that you did have.
I am very sorry for your losses as well. Sometimes I wonder which is easier losing someone instantly and not being able to say goodbye or knowing they are going to pass but having to watch them suffer. In the end I do not think there is a correct answer to the question because in either scenario you lose loved ones.
I agree the holiday season always makes it harder. I try to hold onto the memories and it seems to help. I always think of being a kid at Christmas time and getting up at like 5 am to open presents. Daddy was always up early so he would be up but Mom would still be in bed. He would let me take my stocking back to bed with me and open the presents in my stocking if I promised to stay in bed until 6 am so Mom could have another hour sleep. Then he would come in and act so surprised when I showed him what was in my stocking.
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Old 11-24-2012, 06:59 PM
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[QUOTE=intent2smile;1000218]It seems like everyone that I have ever cared for has passed away in November and it seems like I spend November every year hoping nothing happens that year. I know in my head there is nothing wrong with November....""

For me it is September. I have those exact same thoughts..Every year when September rolls around, I pray it hurries up and goes away. There is even a song "Wake me up when September Ends" sums it all up. Horrible things in that month for mine and my husband's family.

I was sorry to read all of these touching stories, but I am glad they were shared. I also believe that somewhere the people we have lost are never truly gone and that someday we will meet again. Its a comforting thought for me and even though I am not very religious, its something I believe in.

Big hugs to everyone here... every day is precious no matter what.
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Old 11-24-2012, 08:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquarius View Post
I lost my dad almost 2 years ago - he was 90 so had a good long life, but nonetheless a day doesn't pass where I don't remember and miss him terribly.
Jane I am sorry for you loss of your dad as well. I think it doesn't matter how old someone is when they pass it still hurts.

Hugs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalisee View Post
For me it is September. I have those exact same thoughts..Every year when September rolls around, I pray it hurries up and goes away. There is even a song "Wake me up when September Ends" sums it all up. Horrible things in that month for mine and my husband's family.
I totally understand how you feel! I will have to listen to that song. It sounds familiar but I am horrible with s
ong names.

I am sorry for your losses as well.

Thank you everyone who has shared their stories! It always helps to know you are not alone. Hugs
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Old 11-24-2012, 10:02 PM
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Thanks for sharing Amy. I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. It sounds like you had a great relationship with your dad and I'm jealous of that. I'm don't get along well with my mother at all. She wanted to live in a city 4 hours drive away (I don't drive and it's expensive to travel there by public transport) so I don't get to see my dad much either. They were both fairly old when I was born so they are 71 and 66 and I worry that I won't get another chance to see them. I keep asking them to visit but she's always full of excuses. She hasn't come here in over 4 years (but has travelled further to go to conventions and stuff). I've been to visit them a few times. I don't have great memories with my parents and 3 of my grandparents were dead before I was born. In part I'm grateful I haven't had to deal with many deaths, in part I wish I had had a relationship to cherish.

A year and a half ago my other half's brother killed himself. We had been trying to keep him company and look after him as my partner and I didn't have jobs at the time. We spent a year getting to know him even better than we already did and in truth he was the only person that I truly got on with in their family. We never expected it to happen. He seemed happier, he didn't seem like the kind of person that would kill himself. no one saw it coming. my other half blames himself for not seeing it. He was very like my other half, caring, sweet, thoughtful. I've been with my other half since I was 14 and due to my relationship with my mother have spent christmas with them for the last 8 years. I spent lots of summers there and even lived with them for a year so I knew him very well. Last christmas we expected it to be hard but ended up not having any Christmas dinners because we all became ill. I spent the entire holiday period in bed, so it made it not so bad. So, I worry about this year. People didn't show me much understanding. Because he was not my brother I got treated like it shouldn't effect me. I frequently have dreams about him. I find out he's not dead, or he is but there's a way to communicate with him or most often he tried to kill himself but failed. They're always so real. I haven't told anyone in work. I dread the question about how many brothers does Rich have coming up or something similar. I want to share, but how do you start that conversation? I just want to get it out of the way so I don't feel like I'm keeping a secret. On Thursday they started talking about suicide, I went quiet so people started calling me moody. But how do I explain why I'm upset?

A while back I posted a thread about Mylo barking at nothing in the corner. It mostly happened when my other half was here or when we were both here. I wished it was because he was barking at Ste because it was a comforting thought to think of him visiting us. It sounds silly, but I wish he could have met the dogs. The last time I saw him he told me he was a dog person and he would have preferred to have a dog, rather than a cat. He was a big animal lover and I know he would have loved the dogs and certainly not be concerned with them not being a man's dog.

Sorry for the rant and hijacking your thread but it's also something I've been thinking about a lot lately as we get closer to Christmas. Once I start it all comes pouring out. I don't talk to my other half about it for fear of upsetting him.

I wish you a happy and uneventful November. I hope that only good things come your way and wish you the strength to deal with everything else that comes your way. I believe that a problem shared is a problem halved and we are always willing to listen. Feel free to PM any time you want a one to one chat.
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