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  #1  
Old 01-03-2013, 09:07 PM
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Default The reason for my absence. (Long Personal Post)

I know that most of you don't know me and the rest don't know me all that well. However I have always felt close to the girls here, and it may seem a little strange but I feel comfortable to express my heartache and lose here and I hope thats okay.
Just a little back story, I'm 25 years old and my significant other is just a year older then me. In the month of August we found out we were expecting our first baby. We were beside ourselves with joy, we hadn't been "trying" but we made the decision to not try and prevent it either.
When I went to my doctor to confirm the pregnancy everything was fine. I couple weeks later we went back to hear the babys heart beat for the very first time, and it wasn't there. Further ultrasounds and tests confirmed that there was no hearbeat and the embryo had stop growing. I was devastated it felt like all the joy had been sucked out of my life.
The doctor assured us that this can happen, its not that uncommon. He then gave me some pills that I was told to take at home that would cause my utereus to contract and well I'm sure you get where thats headed.
It was terrible not just from the pain, but from the realization of what was happening. I cried for days, I couldn't work, I didn't want to see anybody I was just in a stat of depression I had never been in before.
My check up after everything was said and done went well. My doctor said everything looks good, healed perfectly, and that we can being trying again.
Even though we are back to our, "not trying, not preventing" I catch myself every month praying and begging that this is our month, and then it isnt.
I try to stay positive, to engage in activities to lift my spirits but nothing seems to fully free my mind of replaying the horrible moments in my head, or pleading for this to finally be the month.
It feels like a constant battle that I just can't win. I try harder now then I had been to combate the depression but theres still some nights that are harder then others.
Thats my story, Thank you to anyone who took the time to read it, I know it was long but it helped to write it down and get it out.
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  #2  
Old 01-03-2013, 09:13 PM
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I'm so sorry you lost the baby,but don't give up it took me 6 years to have my daughter you're young with plenty of time the more you worry about it the longer it will take .
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Old 01-03-2013, 09:22 PM
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Thank you Michele, the doctor actually said the same thing, I think he could tell the effect it had on me. He said to try not to obessive over every little cramp and every little symptom you think you might be having. I try not to, Lord knows I try but its almost like my mind goes there before I can stop it. It feels good to be able to talk about it and not pretend like it never happened.
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Old 01-03-2013, 09:23 PM
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So sorry for your loss.

I had a very good friend who lost her baby so I went through that time with her and it was pretty awful. I will say that she had the same feelings you do, so maybe if you could connect with others who have lost babies it would help to share the heartache with people who truly understand. My friend did get pregnant again and she has two beautiful kids now. Sometimes true joy comes out of heartbreak.

I don't have the words to make it all better, but just know that I am sharing in your sadness and I am thinking of you and wishing you only the best for happy, bright days ahead.
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Old 01-03-2013, 09:38 PM
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Brodysmom your words actually brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for being so kind and taking the time to think of me. I've tried joining groups where people have experianced similar situations, some worse then mine. But I have a hard time connecting with them, I don't know why. I feel like some times its a contest between who had it worse, and I got the feeling of being over looked because of my age. I know I'm only 25 but my age doesnt change the hopelessness that I feel from time to time.
My best friend of 22 years is actually pregnant with her first and she's due next month.
I am so happy for her but I'd be lying if I didnt say it makes it just a little bit harder to handle myself.
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All in the town were still asleep,
When the sun came up with a shout
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by man, A little Dog danced. And the day began.
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Old 01-03-2013, 09:40 PM
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I am so sorry, it is hard I know. One of my best friends , she is also a cousin by marriage, went through the same thing as you. I felt so guilty as I was also pregnant with my first child and they would have been 1 month difference in their age. Well she ended up having 2 beautiufl..(handsome) boys and now has 5 beautiful grand daughters. (We are old) So things will work out for you. Someday you will a Mom, then a grandmon.
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Old 01-03-2013, 09:43 PM
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Try and go on a relaxing holiday or get out as much as possible i bet it's when you're at home with all the memories it's much worse and i know your mind goes over it all the time.I look forward to hearing your good news soon,never think, it will never happen think positive"HUGS"
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Old 01-03-2013, 09:43 PM
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I am sorry you had to go through this, I know how devastating it is to lose a baby. Allow yourself to grieve, nothing will take away the pain you are feeling, until you hold your own baby in your arms.
After several miscarriages I was told I would never have a baby, but I proved them wrong and my beautiful daughter turned 18 last month.
Try and focus on the good things in your life, your baby will come along in time.
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