I decided to start this diary...i guess to just let my feelings out. I just had another crying spell. I feel like i lost a child when i lost my peanut. Can my fam n friends not understand that? Im sick of being told " he is just a dog, or i wish u would smile, or i hate seeing u sad". I have separated myself from my "so called friends and fam", my only support is in this forum and in my partner. I know she is ....i wouldnt say tired, just sad cus im sad, but at least she supports me alot. I spend many hours looking through chi pics for sale on craigslist, all in the hopes of finding a peanut clone..april tells me there isnt gunna be another peanut he was one of a kind...ik its true but i miss him and i want him back. We have 2 other chi's in this house and i feel bad cause i can't get as close to them as i was with peanut, don't get me wrong i love them and give them alot of attention...treats, take them places, n sleep with em as well...But still i miss my peanut n i just cant be happy right now. Why is this so dificult...everyone tells me i look depressed and act emo....so i just stay away from everyone n keep 2 myself. i have lost interest in my sites, my work, my friends, even simple things like going out to the store...does this mean im being over dramatic? it has'nt even been a month since he passed away...just let me deal with it in my own way is what i think every day when i hear people tell me 2 at least smile. Im happy and thankful for having my son, my partner, her parents and 2 other chi's in my life (very thankfull) but im also very sad, i cry alot i can't help it...i just want u back my peanut butter cheese cup.....if only i could bring him back....sighs....

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Oh, I am just so sorry for your loss. I understand. I would feel as if I had lost a child also if one of mine passed. I wish I had some magic words to ease your pain! I can only offer my cyber-hugs and healing thoughts. Your little Peanut really does look like a very special dog and was a lucky little man to be loved by his mama so much!

ty your hugs are very much apreciated and ty for the support! yes i loved him like a child, its like ina way he felt he was human. ty for the cyber hugs i needed them**hugs bk***

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Hugs from me & my Chi's xxxx

I really do know how hard it is for you - Maybe try looking at photos of your peanut
and remember the 'good times' he wouldn't want you sad xxx

Sara x

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I know exactly how you feel, looking for a clone of your peanut. I feel so so bad for you I agree that people should let you grieve in your own way, every one is different and you have every right to feel the way you do! I know people in your life are trying to make you feel silly for grieving but they don't understand and they won't ever understand how you feel until they have loved and lost a pet. Please keep posting in this journal because it might help you! I'm here for you!! (((hugs)))

so sorry to hear bout pbcc but you willl be ok after awhile. you need to grieve your own way. it will get easier as time goes by. dont worry he'll be by you side still. your little guardian angel!!!

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Just last night I was holding Amberleah in bed and told her she would have loved my Sissy, she passed Feb of 2011, I miss her still so much.

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In His Service
Theresa
and Amberleah Lou Lou

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I know exactly how you must be feeling (((BIG HUGS)))

In August 2008 I lost my whippet Tina when she fell into a flooded fast river and drowned For months afterwards I did nothing but blame myself and cry and in May 2009 was off work for three weeks with stress. Thankfully with counselling and a few Happy Pills I started to pick myself up and stop blaming myself all the time.
Last year my wonderful cat Domino passed away and even now I still feel a huge loss and still shed a tear or two when I look at photos of her.

The main thing to remember is that it is perfectly normal to grieve over Peanut (((HUGS))) Folk who say he was 'only' a dog or expect you to just 'snap out of it' have obviously never shared that bond with a loving canine.
I only had Domino 100 days (she was a rescue - I wrote about her in the Other Pets section) and even though I am now owned by four other rescue cats SHE is still the one who sticks out and has made the most impact on me.

It's still VERY early days for you so allow yourself to grieve and don't bottle up those tears - let them out! I now, if I'm feeling low, allow myself to have a really good cry for 20 minutes only and then take a deep breath, dry my eyes and carry on with my day. With time you WILL start to only think of the good times with Peanut and be able to look at photos of him without feeling as though you've been ripped in half. You'll still feel a little pang of sadness at his loss but with time it will become more bearable (((HUGS)))

In the meantime please DO keep posting in this journal - writing things DOES help (((HUGS)))