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Old 06-17-2016, 01:42 AM
chi lover
 
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Name: Katie
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Default feeling guilty(super long story)

when I first became a member of chi-ppl is was bc I got my first chi pongo. he was a mix had a quarter Jack Russell in him which showed with his longer snout only the rest ears and body was all chi. he was really smart a perfect fit for our family gentle with our kids would plAy hide and seek and tag with my three year old daughter and eight year old twin boys. he'd come when I called him without hesitation usually in excitement and he was never in a bad mood always happy and full of energy. he slept with me every night and I never went any place without him not once. in February our house caught fire and we spent around a month in a hotel room before we started living in a house in our parents neighborhood where my husband and I met. one night I was on my way to a church meeting with my daughter I was meeting my husband there I was putting her freshly cleaned car seat into van she started following pongo where he'd always go while I was putting my daughter in the which was the mailbox at the end of our driveway every time before We'd leave he'd pee on our mailbox then get in the van. this time I had to put the car seat in then my daughter. she said mommy I'm following pongo and i said no your not that's too close to the road for you bc I didn't trust her not to go the rest of the way. so she stood with me and then I got her in. I forgot something in the house on my way back in I saw a truck pass which wasn't odd however I had this immediate thought right then about him hitting pongo but I shook it off and thought if he'd hit pongo I would of heard it a yelp the breaks a thump something so I ran in and ran to the van and told pongo to get in. no answer no collar jingle. I called him again and nothing and called again and nothing so I walked to the street. I feel I should add when I walked into the house the sun was out it looked day time on my way out it seemed dimmer by the time I got out of the van it was pretty dark the sun had just set. I saw a shadow in the road half at the end of the driveway and I said pongo come on. but he didn't move at all I noticed he was laying then I dropped everything and ran to him. he was warm but he was clearly dead no breathing no pain where he was hit it seemed instant. I screamed(called my husband to come help me save him but I knew it was too late) and just kept apologizing to him and told him it was all my fault I stayed by his side petting his body just in case there was a part of him still there I didn't want him to pass alone j wanted to be there for him until the very end cars kept coming but I wouldn't moved I crouched next to him petting him sobbing and keeping traffic away from him like I should have done moments before. my husband got there and told me it'd be alright but it wasn't pongo wasn't getting up and he wasn't coming back and I'd never see him again it was far from alright I hadn't known my life or a single second without him for that past 8 months that I'd had him. yes he was only 8 months old and around the size of a full grown chi although a little wider. I realized I loved him far more than my heart knew bc his loss was beyond devasting I couldn't stop sobbing for weeks leaving my house was horribly devasting bc I had to leave without him he wasn't on my lap or my bed and my children were asking for their playmate my poor three year old girl could not fathom it she kept thinking he was coming back my boy's were heartbroken and it was one of the worse losses of my life. the impact pongo had made in that short 8 months was inconceivable. we all grieved. as the weeks went by thing a settled Down but my daughter was still missing her playmate shed play with pongo when her brothers were at school. eventually we decided to get a puppy we thought a beagle was a good smaller family dog bc we couldn't find any small breeds or chi mixes like pongo that was in our price range. I even asked pongos breeder. we got a beagle and named him coppe. things went great at first until he had a bad bacteria growing in his gut which made him have extremely bad diarrhea which unfortunately after we got him on antibiotics and probiotics made him regress in all the potty training progress we had made which he never really recovered either but he was still young so I figured we still had time. then he got bigger we had anticipated this but he'd get excited and bite the kids. not easily he drew blood and scratched them every time they'd walk by he'd jump and bite or scratch. I then again thought we still had time I tried kennel training I tried using puppy and dog language to show him he's getting to aggressive I tried tapping his nose and spanking his bum to simple attt! every time I caught him misbehaving. I'd give every new tactic about two weeks before I tried another. his behavior only got worse and if I was in the garden while he played in the yard the moment he saw me get to my flowers and weed and prune he'd run through and bite my flowers rip them our as he ran past and dig up the rest. it was only getting worse if my daughter and even myself told him to stop he'd look me in the eye and bark with his hair standing up and hop closer to me with each bark if I stood he'd run but he'd come right back with my daughter he'd intentionally knock her down and nip her even broke the skin under her eye once an she almost needed stitches then they had to report him for biting and put on a list with the health dept. the cuts on my daughters legs were adding up and I couldn't seem to tame him at all and each attempt got him more wound up it was like he was arguing back with me. I started to get really worried bc he was only getting stronger and my daughter wasn't growing as fast as he and he was even hurting me and my eight year olds. I was upset bc I wanted a dog like pongo and he was the opposite my kids were afraid of him and so was I I was afraid it'd get worse and he'd get himself hurt or the children he was also sweet but only when he was getting what he wanted and didn't want to play. I realized I should have gotten a much smaller dog that couldn't hurt the children and intimidate them. I know part of me also wanted this puppy to help me grieve pongo but this wasn't what I imagined but I didn't want to give up on him. it wasn't until he cut my daughter almost all the way down her leg that my husband and I had had enough I could no longer excuse this behavior. he was still young only 6 months old so I thought there was still a chance for a good home for him to someone that could better train him and that way I could get my children a dog they wouldn't be afraid of one that could help my grieving as well bc it had only made me miss pongo more sometimes I thought that's why he acted like he did. I posted an ad about copper got immediate calls and called back to see if they were interested and he was so we went to his house. he seemed to lighten right up when he walked into the room there was a big Shepard there that immediately started licking copper to death and copper just loves to play with other dogs and didn't have any to play with with me. he was a single older man with one other dog. I used to live with my husbands step dad he was single around the same age and his dogs were his family he came home to and that's the vibe I got from him his daughter was on her way home from school so I think copper was a present and she was older a teenager and he was a DOG TRAINER! it wasn't his profession but he said he trained dogs which isn't hard to believe bc his sister also fosters dogs near the town I live in. I couldn't believe mine or coppers luck he was getting the best home he could with someone who was much more suitable to better care for him and train him and we were getting the opportunity to get our family a dog we could play with and not be scared of how rough he'd get one that would fit in like the missing link just as pongo did and recently that opportunity opened up a door that led to our newest addition padme the chi/shihtzu/minipom mix who already feels like she has always been a part of our family who feels like she was always destined to be ours and us hers. she's only 6 weeks old(mother stopped nursing at 4 weeks, breeders nursed her for 1/1/2 weeks then gave her pedigree wet food. however, I felt it was too soon and started giving her formula soaked & mashed puppy chow with watered down formula to drink at least for the next two weeks I have tons of experience with nursing other domesticated and wild animals so this wasn't an issue I did seek advice for chis in particular which I'm glad I did but I learned about their crashing from low blood sugar more often than bigger breeds but the breeder didn't want to keep her another two weeks and I couldn't miss out on the opened door) i honestly feel as though pongo had a paw in this. she does some of the exact things pongo did she even plays tag and hide and seek! at six weeks! her whole back half starts wagging when she sees the kids and I swear she has his eyes. I couldn't be happier its just I feel a little guilty bc I'm doing so well with padme and couldn't with copper I feel like it wasn't meant to be that way and worked itself out the way it should have but it still makes me feel bad I couldn't be this successful with copper and I wanted to know if I've done something wrong? should I have kept trying? did I give up too soon? was his behavior my fault? honestly I was worried that if his aggression progressed it would end up hurting one of my kids enough to need medical help which would then hurt him or get him taken like my aunts lab did after 3 times. but I feel like I didn't do the right thing to make him not do that or behave like that in the first place. I also feel like padme was simply meant to be. I also feel like she has a part of pongo in her I almost feel like I have pongo back but a girl instead.
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  #2  
Old 06-17-2016, 02:00 AM
chi god/godess
 
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Hey---just know you did the right thing. Copper needed another home--period. Now you have just the right puppy. Celebrate that, and don't look back.
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  #3  
Old 06-17-2016, 03:22 AM
chi lover
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Name: Katie
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im trying and for the most part I do it just hits me here and there and I feel a pang of guilt for him like I didn't do my best and I feel like maybe he could tell I just wanted pongo back and I'd get so frustrated with him and think to myself he's nothing like pongo and I didn't feel like it was fair to copper but I do feel like we are both in a better position now he with someone who can properly care for him and us with a chi that isn't destructive or intimidating and fits perfectly with us and adores us as much as we adore her. then I always do this with everything in life not just this situation but I think of the worst thing possible that could happen and think what if that guy wasn't a great guy and copper isn't treated as well and he misses us as misbehave as copper was I couldn't leave him behind at home or in the van bc he'd howl the entire time until I came back so I know he loved us he was just bad. I just over think it really my instincts are usually really accurate and I got a good vibe from that guy like he was a stern but gentle man a hard exterior and soft interior. and copper seemed scared at first when he picked him up and peed a little but then he lightened up when he walked through the door and set him down with the other dog and his tail wouldn't stop wagging he didn't even notice me walking away and I was worried saying bye would make him howl. I'm usually really stubborn and never give up and maybe I'm just having a hard time bc I did but when it came down to it my children's wellbeing is most important and his bigger size and recklessness was putting them in harm's way. I'm just a worry wart and kind find the worst case scenario as well was the best in everything it's a gift and a curse the worry part is a complete curse though. but look at this little face! nvm still says error uploading
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  #4  
Old 06-17-2016, 05:12 AM
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Name: Angela
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I'm so sorry to hear what happened to your Chi Pongo. That must have been absolutely devastating.

It really sounds like Copper ended up in the right home. I wonder if he had anxiety issues around children. Some dogs feel absolutely uncomfortable around children.
I think it was for the best that you found a different home for him. Aggression is definitely not acceptable with children, especially young children. An aggressive dog can do a huge amount of damage to a child, even dogs smaller than a beagle.
Sometimes, dogs end up not being the right fit for their owners. It's not necessarily the owner's fault. In some situations, they are better off in a home that is a better fit for them.
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Old 06-17-2016, 04:11 PM
chi lover
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Name: Katie
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thank you for your opinion I appreciate both your responses and am glad to have your feedback. it seemed like copper didn't know his own strength like he'd get over excited but end up hurting them it wasn't until his hair started standing up that I really began to worry it'd turn to aggression bc there was twice it seemed it bit out of anger when my son tried to stop him from running into the road he bit his hand and drew blood. I do feel like the older man would be a much better fit for copper bc he's stern and copper seemed to listen to males more but by husband works all day. padme seems to get along great with everyone she does get pretty feisty when playing especially for a little girl but she seems to love to be around the kids and my husband and i. I really proud of her progress especially for only six weeks and I do feel like it worked out exactly how it should have I just have to stop thinking the worse and bringing up ideas like that.
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