Sorry your little one is having health issues. The ear odor could be a yeast infection, ear mites, or other infection. The vet will diagnose by checking the "stuff" in her ears, and then prescribe the appropriate medication. The hair loss and/or scratching can be allergies, dermatitis, or fleas etc. Again, the vet can narrow down the cause and provide medication/preventative.
"There’s no changing people, and we can’t even help people with whom we’re emotionally involved. Let them be, stop expecting things from people who cannot provide those things, and recognize that we can live happy, productive lives regardless of what others, even close relatives, are doing or saying."