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Old 07-16-2016, 11:17 AM
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Default Odd topic but advice needed please

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. From the start we have always said we don't want kids.
I've remained on birth control for that reason. Last night I said to him that I'm now off it because my health is deteriorating - very sensitive skin to UV, eye sight going and very painful periods with huge mood swings. All not normal for me. I have been on them since the age of 15 (I'm 30) so it's time my body just needs to relax.
I advised he needs to buy condoms because I don't want to become pregnant.
He asked why?! There's no reason to buy them as he's had a vasectomy.

Now, I know my memory is sometimes forgetful but I'm pretty sure this would stick in my head if he told me 3 years ago..

My other issue is, that my feelings are all over the place and it seems like I don't know how to feel. Or they're all coming at me at once. Part of me is okay about it because now I know we definitely can't have kids. Second is he hasn't told me for 3 years and have been plenty of times to discuss this like when I missed BC and panicked. Thirdly I could've come of BC 3 years ago. Fourthly is that it feels like I'm overreacting to all of this.

I just don't know how to venture forth from this. And he doesn't know how he's done wrong - despite saying to him that he has withheld this significant bit of information from me for 3 years.

Oh and he's like a robot. So emotions and feelings is just not his area of expertise at all. I have to explain to him how I feel and how things affect me so he can understand. But doesn't seem to understand this.

So any advice please?
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Old 07-16-2016, 04:43 PM
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Go for counseling.
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Old 07-16-2016, 08:22 PM
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I don't think you are over reacting, I think you definitely need to talk this through.
If he had the vasectomy before he met you and from the outset you had both decided against kids he probably doesn't see why it is an issue.
Explain clearly that you are hurt by the fact that he withheld this information. Men often need more time to process stuff, especially when it concerns emotions.
I find women will start to talk and as they talk it becomes clear to them how they feel. Men can't do this, they need to know what they think/feel so they know what they are going to say before you have the conversation.
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Old 07-17-2016, 08:07 PM
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I agree completely with wicked pixie. Men are very different with emotions and processing my husband is very much the same way. I do find it very odd he never mentioned this. in the beginning when agreeing to not want children why not mention it then well I've had a vasectomy anyways so there's nothing to worry about or when you missed your birth control then even. but there also is the possibility he thought he did tell you and when you were worried about missing a dose he just thought you were overreacting or just didn't know why you were worried but didn't want to start any problems by saying anything or just brushed it off. He may have just assumed he told you and you knew this whole time bc men don't put as much thought into things like we do. women usually hang on every word and carefully go through each word before talking and while listening but men not so much at all. sometimes my husband will think something and think he said it out loud so maybe he did that? I can see why it would not have been a very serious conversation since you both didn't want children which is why it may have slipped his mind too. I also don't think you're overreacting though bc where his May have been a very innocent mistake its resulted in you unnecessarily taking birth control for three years so it's effected you much more. I would just explain that to him and hopefully he will understand where you're coming from then.
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Old 07-18-2016, 12:33 AM
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If you love him and you know he loves you, sometimes it's better just to let it go. Do what you feel is right for you. You could say your peace to him about how it bothers you that he didn't tell you or remind you that he had the vasectomy and it would have been nice to know in order to come off the BC, but what's done is done and can't be changed. If there's a chance of distrust, then make him where a condom and if he won't, then he don't get any!! Lol

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