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  #1  
Old 07-15-2007, 08:12 PM
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Default The Lament of the kipbug

A couple people have asked about how things are going with my ex and I, so I thought I'd bring everyone up to date. Many people have told me that god never gives you more than you're able to handle. I tend to agree with that, however there are some times that I wish that god didn't have so much faith in me It's been tougher than usual for me the past couple of weeks.
If it's not bad enough that I have all this drama going on in my life, my knee is not healing up from when I twisted it as quickly as I'd like. I twisted it back in may when I was doing my foam fighting with my friends. I got run over and twisted my knee on the way down. It's never good when you hear your knee popping as you go down. I'm starting to get the ability to bend back, but I've lost some of the ability to straighten it out. because of the way that I keep my leg, my hamstring has tightened up making it hurt when I walk *grumbles*.
Oh... and did I mention the tooth that I had to have a root canal on? LOL. Lately it seems like if I weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. I realize that challenges and adversity help you build character, but at this point I have so much character I have an alter ego... lol
I've been in a bad mood since the 4th of july really. It brought back a lot of painful memories. Last year on the 4th of july I was in Myrtle Beach with my ex and her daughter. I felt like I was truly on top of the world. I had found someone that I loved and was planning a future with. I felt like we were a family. I was the happiest that I'd been in a long time. Unfortunately things didn't work out like I hoped and planned they would.
If things had worked out then by now my ex and I would likely be married, and I'd be trying to adopt her daughter. I'd be able to see my son every day and all would be well. It still hurts that things didn't work out. I had given all my heart and it feels like it was stomped on. Knowing that things weren't meant to be between us doesn't make it any easier . I still have unresolved hurt feelings that I'm working hard to put behind me. As much as I'd like closure on alot of things, I recognize that I'm not going to get it. I'm trying my best not to let things get to me, but it's hard.
Unfortunately things didn't go as planned. In fact, you could say that things went about as far from planned as possible without going in a complete circle... lol. Instead of being married, she broke things off with me before my son was born. Since then she won't talk to me at all. She doesn't answer my emails. She doesn't call me back. Every time I go up to see him, she isn't there. All the contact I have about going up to see him is through her mom. This poses problems since there are things her and I need to discuss that I can't discuss with her mother. Right now she's avoiding me like the plague.
I can't figure out what her motivation is. I've mentioned to her mom before things along the lines of "I know that she is pissed at me, but I really want us to be able to work together". The response that I get to that is invariably "Oh. She's not pissed at you". I don't know what to make of that. I know that I don't avoid people that I'm not upset at. I don't buy into her not being upset at me. It seems like the way my ex has treated me shows that she's upset at me. Then again, maybe it's a crippling fear of dealing with me because she knows how upset I am about things she's done to me. As upset as I am about things she's done to me, I pride myself on being reasonable. I know that I can deal with her in a calm and reasonable manner if she would talk to me. I know it would require me putting aside all the hurt feelings about what she's done to me, but even if I can't forgive her right now, I will always act inmy son's best interests.
I know it sounds harsh for me to say I can't forgive her. However it's not just that she broke up with me. It takes a lot more than that for me to get to this point. Most of what she did to me o can forgive in time. I can just about forgive her for the lies that she told me. I'm also getting to the point where it doesn't hurt as much what she did to me when he was born like keeping me from going back to see him in the nursery. The thing that bothers me most is what she did to me with his name. She had told me that we were going to name him Brian Jr. I had gotten really excited about it. It really meant alot to me. The day he was born, her mom told my mom that she was thinking of naming him something else. It was 4 days later that I was able to find out what his full name is. Unfortunately none of my names are anywhere in there (first, middle, or last). When I asked why she didn't tell me that she was going to name him something else, she told me that she knew how much it meant to me and she didn't want to upset me. Needless to say I feel like I was slapped in the face. It was a long time before I could even use Logan's name. It just hurt too badly, it was like rubbing salt in an open wound.
I wish that I could say that things ended there, but things have gone down hill from there. It's reached the point where I've had to sue her to protect my rights. I'm also trying to get a custody agreement ironed out. Things have been hard since then. When my ex was first served the papers, her reaction was to have her mom call my mom and tell her that she was too upset to allow me to come up to see him.
Things didn't get much better when I filed a motion seeking a default judgement against her. My lawyer said that she didn't respond, so that was the next thing that I needed to do. That was 3 weeks ago. The first weekend after I filed it, I was unable to go up there because I reinjured my knee and didn't feel up to the drive up there. However the nex two weekends I was not permitted to go see him. The first time it was that they were too busy and had plans. The next weekend it was that they were too tired. I was finally able to get up there and see him on sunday.
It's tough for me, I don't get to see him nearly as much as I want to. I am not allowed to take him anywhere. I have to go up to my exes' house to see him. I really want to be able to spend more time with him and take him to see my family. It's incredibly frustrating. I thought that by this point we would be splitting custody 50/50 like we had agreed, but as I said, she won't let me take him anywhere for any period of time.
I really hope that things will be better in the future. I don't want to have to fight her like this. I hate that when it comes down to it, not being able to work things out on our own and having to ask a stranger to step in and do it.
Unfortunately though, that's how things work sometimes. It sucks but that's the way it is. I'm really trying to keep a positive attitude through out. It's not always easy though. I'm really trying to be a good person through this whole experience. I am trying as much as possible to avoid bad mouthing her. I don't want this to come across as me badmouthing her. I'm also trying to make sure that I can live with my actions. I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror.
I think this is long enough. It's not that there's not more things that have happened. However not all of them are things that I feel I should share. I really appreciate the support that I've received from all of my fellow chi-people. It means alot to hear words of encouragement, and to know that there are people who are thinking of you.
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  #2  
Old 07-15-2007, 09:30 PM
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Dear Kipbug,
My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine not being able to see my child except under these circumstances. I have no words of wisdom to offer you but know you are in my prayers. God Bless you.
Hugs,
Soozie
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Old 07-15-2007, 09:45 PM
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i am so sorry brian for everything you're going through it's so unfair what is happening with your son. i really hope it all works out soon.

you will be in my prayers
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Old 07-15-2007, 11:08 PM
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Brian I'm so sorry I really think some women just get with men to have a baby not really wanting the man only the baby then they think the baby is theirs & only theirs It's really selfish to bring a chid into the world then kept them from anyone who truly loves them & wants to help care them.My hubby has had his x wife keep his kids from him for years & nothing hurt me more than watching it happen to him over & over Honestly I've never felt so much hatred in my life than I have for his X because of it.The kids are grown now & we son my stepson but his daughter who has a daughter of her own will have nothing to do with him still So not only did it happen with his kids but now it continues with the only grandbaby he has. It's not the childs fault that the parents don't get along & they didn't chose them as parents so why should they be hurt because of their parents selfishness

I hope and pray that you get to see your son on a regular basis he needs & deserves to have you love & care for him
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  #5  
Old 07-15-2007, 11:13 PM
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You've had a really tough time. My heart goes out to you. Humans can be so spiteful and hurtful at times. It's as if some people get happiness from making others thoroughly miserable! I hope things start to look up for you.
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Old 07-16-2007, 12:58 AM
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Thanks for the support everyone. It really does me good to know that I have people thinking of me during this time. Sorry that I made the first post so long. I had alot on my mind, and I can get wordy sometimes... lol

@ Soozie,
Thanks for keeping me in your prayers. It really means alot to me to know that people are thinking of me. Don't worry about not knowing what advice to give me. I wouldn't know what advice to give someone else in my situation either. Sometimes the best thing that you can do for someone is let them know you're thinking of them

@ Jen
I hope things start working out soon as well. I know it's unfair, but unfortunately that's how life is sometimes

@ Alisha
I am really sorry to hear about your hubby and his ex. I know how painful that has to be for him. The reason that I felt that I had to file a lawsuit against her was to try and protect my rights. I didn't want to have to. I would have much rather been able to sit down with her and come to an agreement for the betterment of our son. Things don't always work out the way you want when you want, but I believe that things will work out in the end

@ lebecron
Thank you for thinking of me. I really appreciate it
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Old 07-16-2007, 12:41 PM
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*hugs* I hope it gets better soon Brian, at least I've always found that usually when things get really bad they can usually only get better.
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  #8  
Old 07-16-2007, 02:29 PM
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Wow Brian you are going through it , so sorry its so tough for you Really hope things improve really soon for you {{{hugs}}}
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