As an animal parent, you pray the day will never come when you have to make the decision to put your furry loved one to sleep. However, one day you know that day will come.... sadly, you have no choice.
My husband and I are facing the gut wrenching decision to put our 12 year old cat Fluffy, to sleep on Friday. We have had her since she was 4 days old, her mother was hit by a car and her other siblings were all very sick. She was the "healthiest" one, so we took her siblings to the humane society (we were young) and then took her home. The vet told us she would not live and we were wasting our time. But, we went to the store, bought her blankets, bottles, kitten formula and a heating pad. I nursed her every 2 hours around the clock, and how wonderfully she thrived! Our now 13 year old cat, Gus (we didn't name her, but she already responded to the name) took over the cleaning, teaching and potty training of her. Together, the 3 of us brought this tiny little kitten into a full grown, feisty fluff ball! We have had 12, nearly 13 wonderful years with her..... and in 2 days, we will have to say goodbye. I am sitting here sobbing, my heart aches. We are constantly going back and forth about whether we are rushing the decision to euthanize her... but we know its time.
The vet agrees, we know its time... she is a fighter, losing a battle bigger then her. We have done the steroid shots, they bought her a couple months, we have bought her expensive prescription food in hopes that her body would heal inside.... but all it did was prolong her unknown illness. Her body is shutting down, plain and simple. She has gone from an active 11 pound cat to weigh just a little more then Bailey. 4.2 pounds. She is listless, gaunt and vomits 5-6 times a day. She smells of death, inside and out. She has gotten to the point she can't clean herself, so after she poo's, hubby has to clean her up. She doesn't act in pain, but with her condition, we are fooling ourselves thinking she isn't. Her underside, once a bright pink under her white fur, is now a gray/blackish color. My once spunky little girl is dying, but we aren't ready to say bye to her.... but, its come to that point.
How do you stay strong knowing that you are going to load her into her carrier, take her to the vet and allow them to stick the needle of death into her.... and then watch her as she takes her last breath.... I feel like I am suffocating just thinking of this, how will I be strong for her as she slips out of my life? I hate death, I hate mortality ... I hate watching loved ones leave my life. This sucks so bad, my sweet Fluffernutter, how can I let her go?!!!!