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Old 03-08-2014, 11:14 AM
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Default Penny

Hello everyone

Sorry this is such a long post.

It's been some time since I visited the forum. I guess life just got in the way.

I visited in October 2011 when my beautiful girl Penny was diagnosed with a grade 3 murmur, the news at that time was good and she didn't require any medications.

In October 2013 she started panting a little more than usual at that time we took her to the vets and the vet suggested starting her on Vetmedin, Forticor and furosemide as she had some fluid in her lungs although she was still 100% herself.

She was doing well on the medication and we were managing to keep the fluid under control until last Sunday when she started coughing up clear fluid. She did have a cough due to trachea issues but it didn't really bother her too much. This cough was different. On Monday we took her to the vet and she was having some trouble breathing. The vet nurse took her into an oxygen tent to help her breathing and then the vet saw her. The vet said that there was lots of fluid in her lungs and gave her a shot of furosemide as well as putting her on 2 additional diuretic medications. We were able to take her home and she was improving. At that point we believed she would get over this blip.

On Tuesday she was worse, we took her back to the vets and she was given another furosemide injection at that point the vet said it was likely it wasn't just a blip and she was in the final stages of congestive heart failure.

She was unable to rest properly, she couldn't get into a comfortable position due to the fluid in her lungs she couldn't sleep. My husband had to hold her chin up to allow her to shut her eyes for a while. She wasn't doing most of the things she normally did. We stayed with her constantly and during the night also. This continued into Wednesday.

On Thursday we took her to a Vet Cardiologist to see if anything further could be done to improve her quality of life and extend her life. Sadly the Cardiologist confirmed our fears without the need for any further tests. This was done just by listening to her heart and chest.

At that time we made the agonizing decision to allow Penny to have rest finally.

We made an appointment for the vet to come to our home and put Penny to sleep. The vet and nurse arrived 20 minutes early and this panicked us a bit. We had spent the last few days cuddling Penny, tending to everything she needed and telling her how very much we loved her and how we would always be a family. We told her we wanted to thank her for everything she gave us and for the happiness she brought to our lives.

The vet gave Penny the sedative but Penny wasn't pleased and tried to nip the vet so she had to wear a little muzzle while the injection went in.

After this, my daughter sat on the sofa and held Penny in a blanket whilst she peacefully nodded off to a deep sleep. Then the vet placed a canula into Penny's leg and gave the 2nd injection.

There wasn't a moment between when Penny was sleeping and when she passed where she looked any different. She was so beautiful and her face was smiling. She looked so peaceful. For that we are thankful. The vet confirmed she was gone by listening to her heart. Even the vet was crying. Myself, my husband and my daughter all cuddled Penny and surrounded her by as much love as possible. We kissed our special girl.

She went wrapped in a blanket in her cage to the vet and she is being individually cremated. We should have her ashes back next Friday and intend to keep them in the house with us.

I loved Penny so deeply and although things were difficult during her last few days because I knew she was in discomfort I selfishly want her back her with me. I want to stroke her fur, rub her ear, feed her treats and cuddle up with her. My heart is broken and right now it feels like I will feel this way forever and ever.

When I lived at home with my parents we had a cat and he was put to sleep 5 years after I left home. I cried and I was sad but we all went out for dinner that evening to celebrate his life. I was able to continue on with daily tasks.

With Penny passing I feel so stuck and alone. I feel like everything is dark and grey and painful. I miss her so very badly. I don't want to eat, drink go to the bathroom, get washed, clean my house. I want everything to stop because she has gone.

I have my lovely boy Chi Cosmo who is almost 9 and normally we are very close but since Penny has been unwell in the last few days and since she passed yesterday I feel disconnected from him and I don't understand why.

Everywhere I look I see Penny.

Will I ever get through this.

Please help me.
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Old 03-08-2014, 11:29 AM
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I am so sorry you lost Penny. It hurts so badly to say goodbye to a beloved pet. I believe we grieve in exact proportion to how much we loved, you loved your Penny and it will take a long time to get over losing her. Allow yourself time to grieve and feel all the feelings you have. Don't let anybody tell you that you shouldn't feel this way because she was 'just a dog'.
We lost Bambi very suddenly just over a year ago. The first two weeks were awful, I couldn't function. It does get easier in time though, eventually you start to remember the good times and smile.
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Old 03-08-2014, 11:30 AM
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I am so so sorry. Sending love and hugs to you.

Sent from Free App
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Old 03-08-2014, 01:57 PM
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I'm so sorry for you loss, I started tearing up while reading this. Even if it was the right thing to do, it must have been so hard to make the decision to let her go. I completely understand how you feel as I lost my chihuahua Coco last year in a tragic way and it affected me very badly. I loved her more than I've loved any dog (and most humans tbh) in my life. I was completely broken and found it hard to function / do basic daily tasks for quite some time after. I felt like it wouldn't ever stop hurting too, but with time it'll get easier. I didn't believe it at the time and while I still think about her and miss her, it does get easier. I felt quite alone too, but thankfully I had this forum. Being able to talk about it with other chi lovers on here helped a lot. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. As for your other chi Cosmo, I'm sure this disconnected feeling is just temporary. We didn't have any other dogs at the time we lost Coco, but we got Lilo almost straight after and found it hard to connect with her at first because we were so hurt... but she found her way into our hearts! Just like I'm sure things will get back to normal with Cosmo. I know it hurts right now, but you'll get through this!

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Old 03-08-2014, 02:31 PM
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As I was reading your post, I thought I don't know how I could be of any comfort as I can't stop crying and hurting for you. I am so truly so sorry for your loss. Speaking from the experience of losing a beloved dog, in time your memories will bring you comfort--not pain, and as everyone says, it does get easier.
Life is better because I have a friend like you.
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Old 03-08-2014, 02:42 PM
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Thanks for the kind replies so far.

I wanted to add a little more background on my beautiful Penny.

The first time I saw Penny was in March 2005 when we were going to pick up our puppy Cosmo. Penny had also had a litter of puppies and she jumped up to the side of the crate and welcomed us to her home.

I said to the breeder "She is lovely" and she replied "No she's not, she is ugly" I asked why she would say that, she said she meant she didn't have the right profile for a show dog. We took Cosmo our Puppy home and mentioned Penny from time to time talking about how lovely she was.

From that moment I liked Penny. My daughter was around 5 at this time and she loved playing games where she would pretend she was a dog. We went to Disneyworld in Florida for the first time with my daughter later in 2005. Cosmo was being looked after by my mother in law. We were at the top of Splash Mountain and my daughter was pretending she was Penny the Chihuahua whilst we were on the ride. As we were reaching the highest point of the ride my daughter declared "Penny can see the Castle!" although we had only met Penny once she had left a lasting impression with us.

We decided in 2008 that it would be nice for Cosmo to have some company, we called the breeder we got Cosmo from and asked if she had any of her adult dogs that she was looking to re-home. She told us that sometimes when they aren't being shown or used for breeding she would re-home them.

She told us she was thinking of rehoming Penny or Andrew and Alistair. Penny had a difficult labour ending in a C-section a few months earlier which resulted in 10 puppies. 4 of them passed.

As soon as I told my daughter that she was looking to rehome Penny her face lit up. I mentioned that Penny was almost 6 and I wanted my daughter to remember that Penny may not live as long as a puppy but she said she wanted her to come and live with us.

She was 5 1/2 years old when we got her. It was Mothering Sunday 2008. We drove back along the Scottish countryside to our home 2 hours away. Cosmo came on the journey also but we put them in separate cages.

Once home we let Penny into the garden for a pee. She sniffed around and looked unsure of us and her surroundings which we expected. Her and Cosmo got into a few scuffles in the first few days as they sorted out who was the boss between them. She ate well and slept a lot. Much of her time in the first few weeks was spent in her cage. We used to laugh and say she was anti-social back then. She came round to us quickly and enjoyed the variety of foods on offer as well as the comfort of her new surroundings.

I can't remember the moment I fell in love with her but she stole all of our hearts. She was so grateful for everything we gave her, she always showed her appreciation to us by kissing us or climbing on us.

Every morning she would stretch her front paws up on my legs and I would rub her ears before letting her out for a pee.

We spend endless evening on the sofa watching tv with cosy blankets. In the summer we spent lots of time in the garden and many a night she would come to bed with us and Cosmo.

She didn't like walks very much, she always pulled to go back home. She didn't really like being around other dogs too much it seemed to make her nervous. I don't think she had seen many other dog types except Chihuahuas due to her first home's location etc....

She became more confident as time passed and eventually started barking at anyone who rang the door bell and outside she would patrol the perimeter of our garden fence and bark into the other gardens if there was any movement.

She was such a big character and everything is so quiet, dull, dreary and cold without her.

Penny I love you so much forever and ever xx

Thanks for reading xx

Last edited by CospenChi; 03-08-2014 at 03:41 PM.
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Old 03-08-2014, 06:02 PM
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Such a heart felt post. I too, have had to make that difficult decision, and you did exactly the right thing by not keeping Penny alive for yourself; but letting her go on that peaceful journey. It is never easy.

I have a black and tan longhair, Zarita that is just starting on that 'journey'. She was diagnosed about 4 months ago with a grade 4-5 grade murmur and also has a collapsted trachea. She is on theophyline for the trachea, and vetmidin for the heart. So far so good. She has no fluid---yet.
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Old 03-09-2014, 05:42 PM
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Thank you for the replies. Today is dark xx
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