I actually can't believe I am saying this, but..
At 6am on Monday the 15th of November, my beautiful 'Precious (his nickname)' baby Max passed away in my mam's arms!
Ugh, this is so hard to write..
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my whole life.
The whole family was with him when he went, which was a small comfort, as I'd never want him to spend his last moments alone.
I can't even think of anything to say, I have so much so say, but my mind is blank and I'm just so numb.
I feel like my world has ended, and I really don't know how I'm going to live without him. He meant everything to me, words can't describe how much I love him.
I didn't really go anywhere, except for college 3 days a week, apart from that I spent every single moment with my baby Max. He would sit with me all day, and sleep in my bed cuddling in to me at night. Because of that, I'm too scared to be alone at the moment
whenever I was alone Max was with me! So I've been going everywhere with my Mam, and I've even been having to sleep in my mam's bed too, because I always needed to hear Max breathing on a night for me to get to sleep, it was like a comfort thing, and I just can't bare to sleep in my room without him.
Me & my mam haven't stopped crying since Monday.
I was 9 years old when Max was born, and by the time he was old enough to leave his mam, I was 10. I'm 19 & 1/2 now, Max has been a huge part of my life. Losing him so suddenly and unexpectedly.. I can't cope. I don't know how I'm supposed to go on as normal without him.
My mam is on the rebound and has been looking for chihuahua puppies, she thinks it would ease her pain. But it would only increase my pain. NO dog could ever be like my Max, he was so unique and special, and no dog could ever replace him. The 9 & 1/2 years we've spent with Max have been the most special years of my life, and I wouldn't have changed them for the world, Max was definitely the dog for us. But this pain.. My heart is physically hurting, not just emotionally. I never want to feel pain like this ever again.
I will probablys never get another dog. I was and still am so attached to Max. I would always be constantly comparing another dog to Max, because no dog could ever be that special, and I don't want to get attached again, because I would only have to go through through this pain and heartbreak again.
I'd do anything to have him back. I've been praying for god to just let me see him one last time, or for him to send me a sign that he's okay. I'd do anything for him to be barking, being naughty, biting me, etc.
My grandparents (they're not old, only mid-late 50's) have recently moved to a new bungalow, where they will spend the rest of their lives. We thought this would be the perfect place for Max to be burried, because there's no chance of them moving, so we can visit Max as often as we like. We planted lots of beautiful flowers, and burried him with his favourite toy, letters, family photos, etc. We have also ordered a headstone/memorial for his grave.
As if that wasn't hard enough, the next day (tuesday the 16th of nov) we had to see my aunties dog pass away too, she was 15 years old, so she's had her since I was 4 years old. Having to see 2 extremely important family pets pass away and be burried within a day of each other.. It's just too much, it feels like a really bad dream that we can't wake up from.
We think she's passed away so she can go and take care of our baby Max in heaven.
Please cherish every single moment with your chis. I did but still feel he's gone far too soon.
My entire family and all my friends just adored Max too, he was really something special. I just can't believe he's actually gone.
Thank you, everyone at Chihuahua People. We've spent a lovely 5 years with you, mostly good times, but also, some bad times. We've found great friends, and gotten invaluable advice here.
But, for now anyways, it's just too painful to come on here. Maybe in time, when the pain eases, I might be able to visit chi-people again, and smile. But for now, goodbye, and thank you for everything you have done for us.