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Discussion Starter #1
SO, as some of you know I was really keen to rescue a Choc Tan Chi a little while back. Now I had gone down to see her and lets her meet my Chi and all that Jazz and asked my partner to go fill out the tender form while I put Fiddle back in the car.

After the day she was due to be relesed I didnt get a call, so I rang the pound and they informed me she had gone to someone else.

At this point I had not thought anything of it.

But I have now found out (with help from SugarBaby) that the dog went to a rescue. (Dogs go to rescues at no cost, when the dog has no takers) We were both a little stunned by this but I have finally discovered why!

My partner intentionally did not fill out the form.


Because he doesn't want me to have another dog.


But he was too much of a wuss to tell me. He only admitted it last night when I told him I was trying to hunt down which rescue the dog went to and that there were two new Chi's at the Pound.


Now IDK what to do. Defy him and get the dog? Or not?

Opinions?
 

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OMG how horrible! I'd be so upset if I was you. I can understand him not wanting another dog but to not tell you & let you get your hopes up about this pup (and go see it no less) is terrible! :( I'm sorry you've had to deal with this.

I'm 100% for every family member needing to be on board with a new addition before adding because if not it could cause resentment & such. A new addition effects the entire familiy. But in this situation I'd be more inclined to go & get the pup! Maybe that's the evil woman part of me I dunno. :evil:
 

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I'd sit him down and have a long talk about what went on. There are some issues there you guys need to work through. Why didn't he fill out the form? If he didn't want another dog, he should have talked to you about it, etc. He was deceptive and that's hurtful. Why didn't he feel like he could speak up and be honest - why did he have to go behind your back? Those are some of the things you guys need to hash through.

I wouldn't even consider another dog at this stage. I'd be looking at the relationship and where its headed, etc.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
OMG how horrible! I'd be so upset if I was you. I can understand him not wanting another dog but to not tell you & let you get your hopes up about this pup (and go see it no less) is terrible! :( I'm sorry you've had to deal with this.

I'm 100% for every family member needing to be on board with a new addition before adding because if not it could cause resentment & such. A new addition effects the entire familiy. But in this situation I'd be more inclined to go & get the pup! Maybe that's the evil woman part of me I dunno. :evil:
I'd sit him down and have a long talk about what went on. There are some issues there you guys need to work through. Why didn't he fill out the form? If he didn't want another dog, he should have talked to you about it, etc. He was deceptive and that's hurtful. Why didn't he feel like he could speak up and be honest - why did he have to go behind your back? Those are some of the things you guys need to hash through.

I wouldn't even consider another dog at this stage. I'd be looking at the relationship and where its headed, etc.
He always says things along the lines of "you are impossible to say not to! and when you do, you continue to 'sell' the idea to me so I just say yes"

I worked in sales and I have a way with words, I can't help that :)

I guess he was too afraid to say no to me! When it comes to reasoning I am very good.

and here are my reasons:

I currently work about 6 minutes away from my home, I go see Fiddle every day at lunch and occasionally go to the gym in the afternoon, which I feel bad for because I know she is there waiting for me.

Well all this crap went down at work, they made a full time position for me, but still had to advertise externally because its Governemnt and there are rules.

So the F wits gave MY job to someone else.

So now, as of Friday I will be job less, and there is not alot of work around where I live, and that will mean travel time, and MORE time that Fiddle is all alone by herself.

I figured if I got her a new friend she might not notice as much.


His reasoning:

(every weekend I go to his house, and take Fiddle with me. She stays inside like normal and does go play with his dogs but we have to watch because she will surely escape one day)

And I guess he doesnt want me to bring over another dog?

But they are small and they dont take up much space for christ sake!

HMMMMMMMMMMMM

He is on my nerves atm.
 

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Aw that stinks I'd be really pissed I would find out all the reasons why he doesn't want you to have another pup I know you mentioned you being fiddle to his place on weekends maybe it has to do with bringing 2 now? What about his mom maybe she has an influence? I remember you saying you had problems with her and fiddle being fed bad stuff before. I guess you just have to get to the bottom of it and find out if another one is going to risk your relationship. Sorry that happened I would be so upset.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Aw that stinks I'd be really pissed I would find out all the reasons why he doesn't want you to have another pup I know you mentioned you being fiddle to his place on weekends maybe it has to do with bringing 2 now? What about his mom maybe she has an influence? I remember you saying you had problems with her and fiddle being fed bad stuff before. I guess you just have to get to the bottom of it and find out if another one is going to risk your relationship. Sorry that happened I would be so upset.
He is one of those people who use "because" and "I dont know" as answers to questions. So its impossible!
 

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Hmmm, since you're not living together makes me think you need to do what you feel is right for YOU & FIDDLE since it's really just you guys. Do you & OH have any plans to move in together?

I also agree with Tracy. He NEEDS to know when to say no to you otherwise you're going to run into bigger issues down the road. I speak from experience there. :roll: My hubby used to say yes to me all the time just to basically shut me up. LOL We went through a LOT of crap & thankfully were able to work through our issues but things are a lot different now. Had we been honest with one another the 10 years before our issues...we'd have had a better relationship during that period (10 years is a LONG time!!). Not that it was horrible before BUT it is SO much better now & we hopefully won't have any more crap to go through. LOL

Anyway, point being 1)he needs to speak up to you instead of go behind your back on things--get some balls so to speak! LOL & 2)you need to find what is most important to you. You don't want to make him unhappy by having more dogs around than he's comfortable with. BUT you have some reasonable points to wanting to add another pup. Sounds to me like you have some decisions to make & you & OH have some chatting to do...
 

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Oh's suck sometimes!!! My oh wanted 0 dogs now we have 3 and a 4th pending lol! I hope he changes his mind for you. Can you negotiate like put fiddle on a lead so she can't escape? Or somehow assure him that won't happen lol Ahhh I'm trying To think of ideas I'm a good arguer I can go on all day with my oh sometimes haha what about If he goes to Ur house on weekends? That's all I can think of right now lol
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Hmmm, since you're not living together makes me think you need to do what you feel is right for YOU & FIDDLE since it's really just you guys. Do you & OH have any plans to move in together?

I also agree with Tracy. He NEEDS to know when to say no to you otherwise you're going to run into bigger issues down the road. I speak from experience there. :roll: My hubby used to say yes to me all the time just to basically shut me up. LOL We went through a LOT of crap & thankfully were able to work through our issues but things are a lot different now. Had we been honest with one another the 10 years before our issues...we'd have had a better relationship during that period (10 years is a LONG time!!). Not that it was horrible before BUT it is SO much better now & we hopefully won't have any more crap to go through. LOL

Anyway, point being 1)he needs to speak up to you instead of go behind your back on things--get some balls so to speak! LOL & 2)you need to find what is most important to you. You don't want to make him unhappy by having more dogs around than he's comfortable with. BUT you have some reasonable points to wanting to add another pup. Sounds to me like you have some decisions to make & you & OH have some chatting to do...
At the moment no, we're only 20 and 21. and I earn more than him (LOL) and he is completely useless with his money.

I am so glad you worked through your issues. Even though he loves Fiddle he has the mentality that if I leave her home alone all day that "she is a dog and she will get over it"

It certianly sounds like we do need some chatting. He is comming over tomorrow so I will disuss it then :(

Oh's suck sometimes!!! My oh wanted 0 dogs now we have 3 and a 4th pending lol! I hope he changes his mind for you. Can you negotiate like put fiddle on a lead so she can't escape? Or somehow assure him that won't happen lol Ahhh I'm trying To think of ideas I'm a good arguer I can go on all day with my oh sometimes haha what about If he goes to Ur house on weekends? That's all I can think of right now lol
I have already asked him to come over mine more, but to be truthful, there is nothing where I live lol. Like to go out for dinner or drinks. and he lives a little closer to the City. So normally it is easier? I think if I do get another job I will just be all Fiddle focused outside of work, maybe that will bug him enough to give in? :) LOL I do need to sit down and chat with him about this though.

I will keep you all posted :)
 

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Oh I would be LIVID!!!! I don't know your entire situation, but I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who would go behind my back like that and out right lie to me. I'm sorry but I was married to a very controlling and manipulative man and when I hear of things like this it really makes my blood boil! :lol: My Ex one time even turned a pet bird I had loose because he didn't like listening to it's whistles and chirps. Since you aren't married to him, I would say another Chi is your decision not his and if you are planning on marrying him, then I would definetly sit down and and talk to him about this, because having your partner go behind your back and lie to you is not something you want or need in a relationship - trust me!

Also with that said.... since your job screwed you over like they did, I would say for financial reasons alone that now is not a good time to be adding another pet in your life. I would personally wait until I had another job before I took on more financially. Granted another Chi won't cost that much for day to day things, but what if Fiddle or the new pup became sick and needed to go to the vet? Then also depending on the new dogs needs there will probably be the cost of shots, spaying/neutering, etc...... Just something to think about.
 

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Well since you aren't planning on moving in together then it should be your decision besides bringing a second one to his house lol somehow you have to get around that with him 2 are better than 1 if they bond well it will keep fiddle company while you're gone my oh leaves prada at home 8 hrs a day 5 days a week for work that is part of the reason why were considering a 4 th for her but 1 day we will all be together when his mom finally goes or moves out lol

Fingers crossed for you. 2 isn't really any more expensive than 1 except medical emergencies hopefully none of those happen but I'm sure you could get some help with $ or savings if it did occur! I had 3 chis no job for 2 years until September lol I made it somehow even with ninjas vaccine emergencies.
 

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Well...he has more than one dog right??? If so why does he have more. It's all about give and take.
That was the impression I got too! If he has more than one he certainly isnt in a position to tell you that you cant. Also, as Heather and others have said, as you dont live together anyway Id be making decisions with you and Fiddle in mind. Its nice to take his feelings into consideration, but I wouldnt prioritize them over your own. If you want another dog, and your family is happy for you to have one, then it really isnt any of his business! You dont live together and arent married, so I dont see why you have any obligation to consider his feelings about it, particularly after he did something so sneaky and hurtful. He knew you would be hurt and upset, and he did it anyway. I would be FURIOUS!!!!!! I would look at it this way, you will be more affected by not having another dog than he will be by you getting one. If you want another dog for yourself and for Fiddle, then go for it! This doesnt seem like a situation where its necessary to put his feelings ahead of yours. Sorry this happened, and sorry about your job too! That stinks!
 

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Seriously, I can understand him having a say if you were actively planning to live together in the future, any pets you have would become his as well. Since youre not, who cares??!!
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Well...he has more than one dog right??? If so why does he have more. It's all about give and take.
Yeah but they are 'family' dogs, as he still lives with his rents, as do I.

Oh I would be LIVID!!!! I don't know your entire situation, but I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who would go behind my back like that and out right lie to me. I'm sorry but I was married to a very controlling and manipulative man and when I hear of things like this it really makes my blood boil! :lol: My Ex one time even turned a pet bird I had loose because he didn't like listening to it's whistles and chirps. Since you aren't married to him, I would say another Chi is your decision not his and if you are planning on marrying him, then I would definetly sit down and and talk to him about this, because having your partner go behind your back and lie to you is not something you want or need in a relationship - trust me!

Also with that said.... since your job screwed you over like they did, I would say for financial reasons alone that now is not a good time to be adding another pet in your life. I would personally wait until I had another job before I took on more financially. Granted another Chi won't cost that much for day to day things, but what if Fiddle or the new pup became sick and needed to go to the vet? Then also depending on the new dogs needs there will probably be the cost of shots, spaying/neutering, etc...... Just something to think about.
Oh absolutetly with the money thing, I just, I dont want Fiddle to be alone. But I dont want to buy another Chi and that be the breaking point of me nd OH. Its sort of feels like either Fiddle or I have to be alone. It just tears my heart out. Maybe he just needs time to adjust to the idea? hmmm this will definately be the topic of the weekend :(

Well since you aren't planning on moving in together then it should be your decision besides bringing a second one to his house lol somehow you have to get around that with him 2 are better than 1 if they bond well it will keep fiddle company while you're gone my oh leaves prada at home 8 hrs a day 5 days a week for work that is part of the reason why were considering a 4 th for her but 1 day we will all be together when his mom finally goes or moves out lol

Fingers crossed for you. 2 isn't really any more expensive than 1 except medical emergencies hopefully none of those happen but I'm sure you could get some help with $ or savings if it did occur! I had 3 chis no job for 2 years until September lol I made it somehow even with ninjas vaccine emergencies.
LOL the stubborn side of me agrees with the first part, but I do go over his house alot, and I guess I need to respect his wishes on that part, because its his house. and there is no way in hell I would just take one dog and leave one at home. you know?

Arrgh. Times like this I wish I was single and happy. No one holding me back!!

That was the impression I got too! If he has more than one he certainly isnt in a position to tell you that you cant. Also, as Heather and others have said, as you dont live together anyway Id be making decisions with you and Fiddle in mind. Its nice to take his feelings into consideration, but I wouldnt prioritize them over your own. If you want another dog, and your family is happy for you to have one, then it really isnt any of his business! You dont live together and arent married, so I dont see why you have any obligation to consider his feelings about it, particularly after he did something so sneaky and hurtful. He knew you would be hurt and upset, and he did it anyway. I would be FURIOUS!!!!!! I would look at it this way, you will be more affected by not having another dog than he will be by you getting one. If you want another dog for yourself and for Fiddle, then go for it! This doesnt seem like a situation where its necessary to put his feelings ahead of yours. Sorry this happened, and sorry about your job too! That stinks!
Like I said, they are family pets. and they are very dog dogs. Outside all the time sort of thing. I think he did the sneaky thing to simply try to avoid a fight, he should know that never works because I wouldnt just give up like that. Men, honestly! Hopefully we can sit down and nut out why he says no and if its legitimate reasoning then I guess I can't just ignore it. And yes, this job situation does suck! I worked like a slave so they would keep me hey! I even dog sat, and house sat for the coordinator! and she still picked someone else! Ugh!!
 

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Wow that's awful. I'd be completely livid if I was you. His behavior is deceptive, controlling, and disrespectful. I wouldn't stand for that. There's no reason he can give to make that kind of behavior acceptable. I agree with Tracy/Brodysmom, I think you need to take a look at your relationship, something is not right there that he felt he could do that behind your back. And since you don't even live together, you have every right to have that pup without asking him. I don't see why you need his permission at all.
 

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Not that it isn't the same thing everyone else said....but I don't know why you asked him anyway. A) You're NOT married. B) You don't even live together. And given his current immaturity level, I'd never do either with him anyway (but I digress).

You said he likes to give answers like "I don't know" and "because." (Some one REALLY needs to develop some communications skills.) Get the dog and when he asks you why you got it, say "because you don't know" and leave it there. That bugs the holy CRAP out of me when people won't communicate. If they won't communicate, then I can't see asking their opinion about anything. In a relationship (at least a good one), we don't get to talk only when we want to.

I agree that Fiddle needs a friend if you're going to be gone all day and can't pop in at lunch to visit. Chis are highly social animals and I don't think they like to be alone. Yes, they might tolerate it but life, for anyone, isn't about just tolerating things, is it? Being tolerant does not mean one is happy.

Sorry if I sound harsh. I CANNOT stand to be told what to do and I hate when people give lame *** non-answers to a question (which is what he did). At 20 or 21 (can't remember who you said is which), he's not likely to act mature for several years so good luck, girl!

GET YOU ANOTHER DOG!!!! :)

Generally they're not that expensive. Surely you'll draw unemployment until you find another job. It's like kids: if you wait until you can afford them, you'll never have one. As Nike says "just do it!"

There just really isn't a legitimate reason not to get another one. They don't eat that much or take up that much space and you'd potentially be saving a life.
 

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Not that it isn't the same thing everyone else said....but I don't know why you asked him anyway. A) You're NOT married. B) You don't even live together. And given his current immaturity level, I'd never do either with him anyway (but I digress).

You said he likes to give answers like "I don't know" and "because." (Some one REALLY needs to develop some communications skills.) Get the dog and when he asks you why you got it, say "because you don't know" and leave it there. That bugs the holy CRAP out of me when people won't communicate. If they won't communicate, then I can't see asking their opinion about anything. In a relationship (at least a good one), we don't get to talk only when we want to.

I agree that Fiddle needs a friend if you're going to be gone all day and can't pop in at lunch to visit. Chis are highly social animals and I don't think they like to be alone. Yes, they might tolerate it but life, for anyone, isn't about just tolerating things, is it? Being tolerant does not mean one is happy.

Sorry if I sound harsh. I CANNOT stand to be told what to do and I hate when people give lame *** non-answers to a question (which is what he did). At 20 or 21 (can't remember who you said is which), he's not likely to act mature for several years so good luck, girl!

GET YOU ANOTHER DOG!!!! :)

Generally they're not that expensive. Surely you'll draw unemployment until you find another job. It's like kids: if you wait until you can afford them, you'll never have one. As Nike says "just do it!"

There just really isn't a legitimate reason not to get another one. They don't eat that much or take up that much space and you'd potentially be saving a life.
LOL

I really like your thinking! But unfortunately I do care about him and such a such. I know that in 'x' amount of time I will laugh that I even bothered with him but for now he is keeping me happy, minus this issue.

If he cant give me a legitimate reason as to why not, then I will push it.

I toltally agree with the last part too :)
 

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Wow, he REALLY needs to work on his communication skills. What would have happened if the rescue didn't pull the dog? She could have been put to sleep because he didn't bother to talk/discuss the issue with you. That is NOT OK in my book. I have issues communicating sometimes, but I would never just not talk about something like that, if I didn't want my OH to have another dog, or in his case a decked out computer. If he asked me to do something, I would do it, or talk to him and express my concerns about the issue. That was wrong the way he handled it, and I think he should know that.

IMO, I would get the dog, and tell him he could come over to my house on the weekends if he didn't want it at his house, and he wanted to see you. You are not married, or living together, therefore yes he can offer his opinion, but not control what you do or don't do as far as the dog goes.
 

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Honestly I would just get one he will learn to love it and in no time be attached to it too my oh wanted 0 like I said and now he's obserssed with all 3. A lady who bought Pradas sister 2+ years ago said their chi just died a few months before and her husband said 100% do not get another dog 2 days after they brouht her home she emailed me and said it was now his dog and slept in his beard at night Hahaha! You might resent him later on if he doesn't budge on
What makes you happy. Good luck on the talk! I'll be crossing my fingers for you but I think you should make your own decision!
 
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