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Hi all, I apologise in advance if this is rather rambling, but I'm trying to make sense of it all in my own brain.
Almost exactly a year ago I lost the light of my life, Mimi. She was my first dog. I got her when she was just 4, and she died just before her 12th birthday on the 26th of June last year. I adored her and was always terrified of losing her, pretty much from the beginning. I'm disabled and can't get out much, she was my reason to be.
Over recent weeks and months I've found myself not just missing her but also just having a dog, which I have taken as a sign that I am ready for another. However every time I make concrete movements towards getting another dog (I'm looking for another adult as having a puppy, as much as I'd like to, would not be possible due to my health) I find myself terrified. I suffer from anxiety anyway so it's not as if I'm not used to being anxious, but I'm very confused as to why I find myself feeling like this, and wondered if others have experienced the same thing and how they dealt with it. Hence this post.
Some background to this is what happened in 2018. Mimi was 10 at the time and suffered from heart disease. I knew she wasn't going to live forever, so I decided that what I could do to soften the blow when it came was to get another dog while she was still alive. Unfortunately this was a mistake. I adopted a sweet girl called Lilly from the British Chihuahua Club rescue coordinator. To be honest she wasn't the right dog for our family and we weren't the right people for her, but also on adopting her I freaked out. It took me a while to realise what the problem was, but apart from the fact that we weren't suited to each other I realised that adopting her had made Mimi's mortality real to me in a way that it hadn't been before. I had horrific anxiety for over two weeks until sadly Lilly had to go back to her fosterers. I couldn't cope with my own reaction and properly get her and Mimi used to each other, and to our two cats. I feel terribly guilty about what happened and for messing Lilly around. So I just had Mimi until her last illness last year.
I think I'm worried about a lot of things. Firstly I'm afraid of what happened with Lilly happening again. It was truly awful for me. On the other hand the situation is so different now, Mimi is gone.
Secondly I think I'm afraid of failure, of getting something wrong. I'm worried that things won't work out with our cats, I'm worried I'll react badly again and have more anxiety.
I'm worried that I won't feel the same way about a new dog as I did with Mimi. But is that necessarily a bad thing? All love and relationships are different, it doesn't make one bad because I had stronger feelings for someone else. I loved my first pet rat I had between the ages of 9 and 12 more than I loved any of the others I had afterwards, but I still loved and enjoyed them as well.
Conversely, I'm worried that I will have the same relationship, and leave myself open to the pain that loving Mimi ultimately caused me.
As you can see, I'm pretty complicated! Too damn complicated for my liking. It would really help to hear if anyone else has had mixed up feeling like this, and what you did to cope/move on. And simply how you learned to love again after losing a dog.
If you've managed to get through this ramble thank-you! I'm going to go drink an industrial quantity of tea.
 

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Hi all, I apologise in advance if this is rather rambling, but I'm trying to make sense of it all in my own brain.
Almost exactly a year ago I lost the light of my life, Mimi. She was my first dog. I got her when she was just 4, and she died just before her 12th birthday on the 26th of June last year. I adored her and was always terrified of losing her, pretty much from the beginning. I'm disabled and can't get out much, she was my reason to be.
Over recent weeks and months I've found myself not just missing her but also just having a dog, which I have taken as a sign that I am ready for another. However every time I make concrete movements towards getting another dog (I'm looking for another adult as having a puppy, as much as I'd like to, would not be possible due to my health) I find myself terrified. I suffer from anxiety anyway so it's not as if I'm not used to being anxious, but I'm very confused as to why I find myself feeling like this, and wondered if others have experienced the same thing and how they dealt with it. Hence this post.
Some background to this is what happened in 2018. Mimi was 10 at the time and suffered from heart disease. I knew she wasn't going to live forever, so I decided that what I could do to soften the blow when it came was to get another dog while she was still alive. Unfortunately this was a mistake. I adopted a sweet girl called Lilly from the British Chihuahua Club rescue coordinator. To be honest she wasn't the right dog for our family and we weren't the right people for her, but also on adopting her I freaked out. It took me a while to realise what the problem was, but apart from the fact that we weren't suited to each other I realised that adopting her had made Mimi's mortality real to me in a way that it hadn't been before. I had horrific anxiety for over two weeks until sadly Lilly had to go back to her fosterers. I couldn't cope with my own reaction and properly get her and Mimi used to each other, and to our two cats. I feel terribly guilty about what happened and for messing Lilly around. So I just had Mimi until her last illness last year.
I think I'm worried about a lot of things. Firstly I'm afraid of what happened with Lilly happening again. It was truly awful for me. On the other hand the situation is so different now, Mimi is gone.
Secondly I think I'm afraid of failure, of getting something wrong. I'm worried that things won't work out with our cats, I'm worried I'll react badly again and have more anxiety.
I'm worried that I won't feel the same way about a new dog as I did with Mimi. But is that necessarily a bad thing? All love and relationships are different, it doesn't make one bad because I had stronger feelings for someone else. I loved my first pet rat I had between the ages of 9 and 12 more than I loved any of the others I had afterwards, but I still loved and enjoyed them as well.
Conversely, I'm worried that I will have the same relationship, and leave myself open to the pain that loving Mimi ultimately caused me.
As you can see, I'm pretty complicated! Too damn complicated for my liking. It would really help to hear if anyone else has had mixed up feeling like this, and what you did to cope/move on. And simply how you learned to love again after losing a dog.
If you've managed to get through this ramble thank-you! I'm going to go drink an industrial quantity of tea.
thank you
 

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I feel for you. I just lost my dog March 11th 2020 at 13.5 yrs, he started to have seizures and I lost him unexpectedly. I didn't think he had a lot if time but it was sudden. It's been very hard. I cry almost every day. My boy that I lost, i got him in 2007 and he was a long haired chi, I really didn't even want him at first because I got him 6 weeks after losing my pomeranian Foxy. I thought I made a mistake. I missed my previous dog so much. It Took me about 2 months to warm up to him.
I felt it best to get a different breed because I was so attached to foxy. And I did not Want to compare them.
I ended up totally adoring that little dog more than anything in the world. I am Crying as I write this now. And he ended up being the most beautiful dog you could imagine. He was top show quality too!
Two weeks ago I got another chihuahua. Now I'm feeling regret and feel like returning her. She's very good. Typical puppy, chewing on everything, we are working on potty training. She's cute. She's a longhair Chihuahua.
I really miss my boy and I do feel like I may have made a mistake. I'm torn. Should I return her I should I keep her.
And this may sound mean but she's more of a pet quality then show quality and will not be as beautiful as he was. I know she is not him and they are all different. I fear that I may not be able to fall in love with her enough and I may always compare her to him. I know part of it is that I miss my boy so much as been only 4 months. Maybe it wasn't enough time. And now having a puppy, I see how much work it is to have a puppy. When I got my other guy he was 6 and a 1/2 months and he was pretty much trained and he had been in a dog show so he was very well behaved. And as she got older we got into a groove and he was easy and fun. And we shared such a deep love. I'm starting to feel that maybe I made a mistake. The house is now a mess...lol... I have 2 dog pens in the house and toys and wee wee pads and such...and and I can barely go out in the yard and enjoy the pool because she needs constant supervision.
So I totally can relate to where you are. I don't know what's the best decision for you is. Perhaps if you're open to a rescue you could Foster a dog and see how it goes. if you fall for it you keep it, but if you don't you let it go.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I do hope you keep your little one, especially as you say you felt the same way about your little boy. I'm so sorry for your loss.
 

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Thanks. I'm not quite sure what I'm gonna do. She is very good. I have until tomorrow, technically the breeder said 2 weeks for a full refund no questions asked. But if I chose to keep for another month and decided it was just not right for me I could return her and I would like the breeder just keep the money. I'm starting to have a trainer come in in about a week and a 1/2 for 6 weekly lessons. So I suppose if I returned her I'd be returning a dog whose head training. I'm so torn part of me wants to keep her and part of me doesn't. I wished she looked a little more like my boy that I lost. In some way she does but in some ways her face doesn't. She is cute but he was extraordinary. And of course I loved him so much because I knew him well. I know it's probably better to not look the same. But I really miss his beautiful face.
Do you think you're gonna get another one?
 

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I am keeping her. I decided yesterday. She slept with me and I could not see giving her back, and I felt she was mine and I am happy now that I made a decision. :)
 
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