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Desparate to Co-Exist. Need advice...

12019 Views 46 Replies 26 Participants Last post by  Angel1210
First off, let me say that I do not dislike chihuahuas or dogs in general.

That said let me explain my situation a bit.

I got married about 8 months ago (28M, 33F). My fiance has a 3 year old chihuahua, Pete. I knew she had the dog but we did not live together before getting married. I have never been much of an animal person but from what I saw of the dog I did not thinking sharing a house with him would be too difficult.

I was wrong. For the past 8 months I have tried everything to come to terms with the fact that this dog will be in my life for a LONG time to come. My wife adores him, calls him her "son". We have spent a lot of money to get him trained and it got better but he is still so willful.

My issues:

1. CONSTANT following, staring, being underfoot when she is not there.
2. Does not listen, very stubborn.
3. REFUSES to poop or pee in the cold, the instant we let him in, he goes.
4. Constant jumping in my lap, getting hair all over me. I am mildly allergic too.

I could go on and on. I guess what I want / need to know is how can I get the dog to understand that I am to be left alone? I have never and would never mistreat the dog but I really do not want to be my wife's stand in when she is away. I have discussed these issues with her and she cannot get past the fact that some people are just not animal people. I really cannot stand the constant following, lap jumping, etc. He even tries to get into the bathroom AND shower when I try to use them!!!

Please give advice on I how I can co-exist with this dog. What I want is to have minimal interaction.

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Wow! Thanks for the great responses! I was expecting to be blasted.

I don't hate Pete. I just, for better or worse, am not a dog person. For my part I am going to continue to work on it. I really have no choice, he will be around for a long time!

I had not thought of asking her to set up a separate place for him when she is not around. That would be better than him being stressed because I don't want him around.

Thanks so much for being kind and understanding!
I figured I would ruffle some feathers here, and that's ok. I knew that on a forum like this my opinions would not be very popular.

I think part of the problem is that I could never have imagined just how needy the dog is. I mean it's not enough that he is sitting next to me when I am using the laptop, he has to try and crawl in my lap despite me repeatedly, over the course of several months, correcting him. It gets frustrating. I have never wanted a dog and I thought that I would be able to leave the majority of the "dog chores" to my wife. I have ended up doing far more than I care to do. I wish she would have prepared me better for what I could expect. I never knew to ask. A long discussion wife my wife is in order. We need to find a happy medium.

Like I said I think if he was more laid back it would be easier, but the EXTREME neediness is what bothers me.

Anyway thanks for the great advice and suggestions!
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I am wondering if your wife makes a big fuss over Pete in front of you, almost setting up a rivalry situation? Just curious. For example, if you don't want Pete to do something (like jump on you), does she swoop him up and baby him? I hope she doesn't so this. We love our Chis, but they still must not be alpha to the humans in the house. I have seen people let dogs come between relationships. As bizarre as that may sound, it happens.
Yes, she absolutely does this and it DOES bother me. I try not to be petty but sometimes I fail...
How sad, poor little Pete, he just wants to be your friend, I can't understand why you would shun his love and affection, why don't you give him a chance? This situation could very well have gone the other way, he could be barking, growling and otherwise just hating you, but he is trying to be your friend and campanion, he is trying to make you a family member and you are not compromising. I also find it very hard to believe that you didn't know about these behaviors before you got married, didn't you spend time with the dog?
I spend SOME time with the dog, just not enough obviously. We were always going out and she usually came over to my house. Like I said I have never had a dog and I just did not know what it was all about.
I think you need to talk with her about that behavior. You sound like a very nice man to me--you are recognizing the issue and looking for advice, and from a pretty tough crowd at that! I think it is perfectly reasonable that you didn't know what to expect from having a dog around, let alone a Chi. I really think your spouse needs to step up and help make things better not assume you will have to do all the work to figure it out. At the risk of hate mail from my fellow Chi-board members, the problem IMO isn't with Pete or with you--it's with your spouse who is either unable or unwilling to help smooth the transition. It's not that much different from a situation when one partner has kids and the other doesn't have kids. Anyway, best of luck in finding a solution.
I think this is close to the mark. I think I really need her help. I think one of the problems is that she was so taken aback that someone (me) did not fall instantly in love with Pete. I am not built like that. It takes me a LONG time to warm to changes in my life.

We just both need to keep working and hopefully get this situation resolved to both or our liking.

Thanks again!
I'm so glad u posted this my bf has never had a dog in his life and I go to his house every time he's only been to mine a couple of times so really doesn't know my dogs that well yet but we are planning to move in together in the summer Im so glad for this post bc it made me think from a non dog persons point of view and gave me thing to bring up with him before he just gets thrown Into owning 2 of them. I tOld him about this thread alreay and hae discussed some issues one of the things he brought up was them sleepin in the bed lol I'm glad we can have this talk before we move that way I can know where he's coming from and I have some time to work with my dogs. I never thought I would ever be with anyone who wasn't a huge dog person not that he's not he's just never had one before its going to be a big change for him and my dogs too.
Yes. Trust me, it is a huge change if one is not used to dogs. As for sleeping in the bed.....

I told her (before I moved in) that I found that idea unpleasant (no offense) but that was all that I said. She (thankfully) made the decision to not let him sleep in the bed anymore. I can't tell you how much that compromise has meant to me.

Just be open and honest and don't get your feelings hurt if he does not fall in love with the dogs instantly!
as much as i agree...its probably not the solution right now....from no dog to dogs? baby steps, they need to learn to co exist then work on geting a friend for pete
Exactly. I am not sure I could handle another just yet.
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