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Discussion Starter #1
Ok, this is about my 20 year old daughter. She's a sophomore in college. Has been dating her BF for a year. Really neat kid, we like him a lot. She is a good kid also... works part time while going to school, very motivated to get her degree, doesn't get in trouble, etc.

Well she had spring break plans with 2 different groups of people. One was with her sorority, they were going to Padre Island. Turns out that they are using a very sketchy cheapo travel agent and we didn't feel comfortable with where they were staying, etc. Not to mention all the drinking that goes on.

She has another group of friends from high school that had planned a trip to Colorado to go skiing and she was all set to go with them and that fell through. So she's upset about not having any fun plans for spring break. The BF was supposed to go on a trip with friends, but cancelled his plans to go skiing with Chloe. Now that has fallen through and she's feeling terrible.

Well, the BF's parents have a lake house, they are wealthy. He suggested that just the two of them go there for a few days over spring break. Go shopping, hang out at the lake, etc. Apparently it's OK with his parents. I don't know how I feel about it.

Do you guys think we should let her go? I mean, I know she's 20 and she's responsible but she IS still under our roof. We are paying for college, etc. NO way she could live out on her own yet financially. She has two more years of school left.

I just don't know what to do. Any insight from you guys? Should we let her go to the lake house with the BF or not? :coolwink:
 

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What's your reasons for not wanting her to go? I know I'm not a parent but I'm kind of the same age as her so just wondering :D her BF sounds like a genuinely nice guy ae!
 

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Discussion Starter #4
What's your reasons for not wanting her to go? I know I'm not a parent but I'm kind of the same age as her so just wondering :D her BF sounds like a genuinely nice guy ae!
Oh he is a nice guy. Really great. We like him A LOT. I don't know really why we are hesitating. I guess I just feel like they aren't married. And taking a trip together just seems so ... grown up? I don't know. I'm probably not making sense at all. I would have much preferred for her to go on spring break with a group of kids and not just the two of them traipsing off to the lake house together with nobody else around.

That probably doesn't even make sense. :daisy:
 

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My parents would not have let me, ... if it was a group they wouldn't have cared, but, they'd have not been too keen on me going 1 on 1 somewhere with a BF.

That said, your daughter's 20. She's not going to do anything she hasn't or otherwise wouldn't have done if she did or didn't go.That's a lot of double negatives but I think you know what I am saying? It sounds like she is capable of making responsible choices and I don't think that will go out the window just because they're alone together in a nice lake house LOL.
 

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yeh it makes sense you can tell yous have a close bond are your just being protective :) but yeah I think you should definitley let her go, I mean don't you think it sounds better her going off somewhere nice and quite with her boyfriend who yous know and trust rather than goin on holiday with a bunch of friends getting drunk and stuff? (well that's what I'm guessing they do on spring break? lol) I don't have it over here so I don't know. But yeah her weekend away with her boyfriend sounds very relaxing fun and safe compared to the other option I think :D
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I see everyone's point. I guess we are just kinda old fashioned. We didn't let our older daughter go to Prom as a freshman when she was asked because we felt like that was a Junior/Senior thing and what is there to look forward to if you do it all as you feel like it?

Going off together for a couple days to a beautiful lake house just seems like something you would do when you were engaged or married. Not just a couple of 20 year old kids. Maybe I need to get with the times?
 

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Oh he is a nice guy. Really great. We like him A LOT. I don't know really why we are hesitating. I guess I just feel like they aren't married. And taking a trip together just seems so ... grown up? I don't know. I'm probably not making sense at all. I would have much preferred for her to go on spring break with a group of kids and not just the two of them traipsing off to the lake house together with nobody else around.

That probably doesn't even make sense. :daisy:

Aww you're just being a good mama and worrying *hugs*

I would be doing the same thing but I would let her go, of course you're always going to worry lol. I'm not even a mom yet and I'm worrying LOL :rolleyes:
 

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My parents would not have let me go, and I respect them for that. Especially where I was technically still 'under their roof & they were paying for things' I was brought up to not do stuff like that until I was married. Groups were fine, just not one on one. Just how it was for me. I couldn't date until I was 16 (actually went to homecoming dance on my 16th birthday lol)....I was a rebel. The fact that she is telling you about it instead of going behind your back speaks volumes, and may be her way of asking you not to let her go? I dunno just a thought that came to my mind?
 

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I guess if it were my daughter, I'd let her go. You know you've raised her right, and she is making life choices for herself now. It to me, seems like something you'd do engaged or married, too. But if they are both good kids, maybe just clear it with his folks that they're OK w/ it and let them go.
 

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I would rather see her go to the lakehouse with a guy I like (knowing deep down what they're already doing together, whether you want to admit it or not) rather than going to some far away place like an island where there's a lot of drinking, drugging, and everything else or to another far away place like Colorado doing god knows what. At least it's just them two having fun together & no other outside negative influence. I would hope you would have good reception to be able to receive calls or call her to check in. She's 20 & she will always be your baby, but if you restrict her from doing everything, she may not ask anymore & you did say she's a good kid. I think she's already earned your trust. She seems responsible enough, so I let her go on the lesser of the three evils (so to speak).
 

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I'd say yes to it. She sounds very responsible and mature. I understand she is still living under your roof, and you pay for her college, etc. but imo, I think at this point in her life, you have to let go a little and trust her to make decisions for herself. There's only so much control you can really have at this point too, I think. I agree with what Kristi said - She's not going to do anything she hasn't or otherwise wouldn't have done if she did or didn't go.

I totally understand how hard it must be though, so I respect and understand the conflict you're having all the same.
 

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I would let her go she's 20 years old I think that is old enough to make your own choices I am 26 and still live at home my parents pay for my car, schooling etc but I come and go as I please if they told me otherwise I would be out lol Once i turned 18 I was able to make my own choices as an adult. My parents were mega strict when I was in my teens but I think 20 is an old enough age to be able to be alone with a b/f on vacation she seems responsible

just get her to check in a lot I still have to check in lol
 

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....Well, the BF's parents have a lake house, they are wealthy. He suggested that just the two of them go there for a few days over spring break. Go shopping, hang out at the lake, etc. Apparently it's OK with his parents. I don't know how I feel about it.

Do you guys think we should let her go? I mean, I know she's 20 and she's responsible but she IS still under our roof. We are paying for college, etc. NO way she could live out on her own yet financially. She has two more years of school left.

I just don't know what to do. Any insight from you guys? Should we let her go to the lake house with the BF or not? :coolwink:
well.... I may be the minority here. If she just wants a casual relationship with this young man--then go for the fun at the lake. If she thinks she may, just possibly, want to marry into that family--do not go. Regardless of how mainstream camping out together may be, it's an entirely different picture when his parents are providing the campground. The young lady will never again be seen in the same light. Is there someone who could go along to chaperone?? Maybe you and your husband could get away for a couple days? It's too bad her other plans fell through; but, no reason to make this choice. I would ask (not tell) her not to go.
 

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I would rather see her go to the lakehouse with a guy I like (knowing deep down what they're already doing together, whether you want to admit it or not) rather than going to some far away place like an island where there's a lot of drinking, drugging, and everything else or to another far away place like Colorado doing god knows what. At least it's just them two having fun together & no other outside negative influence. I would hope you would have good reception to be able to receive calls or call her to check in. She's 20 & she will always be your baby, but if you restrict her from doing everything, she may not ask anymore & you did say she's a good kid. I think she's already earned your trust. She seems responsible enough, so I let her go on the lesser of the three evils (so to speak).
I agree completely with the above.
Going to a lake house together is not going to change the dynamics of anything! how is it different than being in a hotel room? and besides at that age you can find PLENTY of places to do those things ;) and regardless it does not take away from any of her positive attributes, she sounds responsible and level headed. If you are too controlling you risk driving her away or causing her to hide things from you, at 20 she is an adult (at least here) not sure about the USA.



I would let her go she's 20 years old I think that is old enough to make your own choices I am 26 and still live at home my parents pay for my car, schooling etc but I come and go as I please if they told me otherwise I would be out lol Once i turned 18 I was able to make my own choices as an adult. My parents were mega strict when I was in my teens but I think 20 is an old enough age to be able to be alone with a b/f on vacation she seems responsible

just get her to check in a lot I still have to check in lol
Right! I had the same thing with my parents, once I was 18-19 I could do what I liked. I would have absolutely left had they dictated.

well.... I may be the minority here. If she just wants a casual relationship with this young man--then go for the fun at the lake. If she thinks she may, just possibly, want to marry into that family--do not go. Regardless of how mainstream camping out together may be, it's an entirely different picture when his parents are providing the campground. The young lady will never again be seen in the same light. Is there someone who could go along to chaperone?? Maybe you and your husband could get away for a couple days? It's too bad her other plans fell through; but, no reason to make this choice. I would ask (not tell) her not to go.
:confused::confused::confused:

WOW
 

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I'm 26.. and when i was 20 i Met my Hubby.. We were dating for awhile and we wanted to go on a trip So my mom and I sat down and talked about it before she felt comfortable enough to let me go. Its a good way to show trust. and if she is a good girl then I wouldnt worry to much I'm sure they are both Maturing adults :)
 

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At 20...I say let her go. She has been an adult for 2 years, has proven herself to be responsible & you obviously think a lot of her & seem to trust her. Seems like she's earned being allowed to go on this trip with her bf w/o question. At least IMO. Then again by 20 I had a 2yo daughter & had been married for a while. :lol: I dunno, my view is at 18 any decisions are theirs. Granted since she's still "under your roof" she should respect your house rules & take your thoughts into consideration but since she's proven herself in the past I think it's only fair you let this one go. That's just me. And yes, if it was either of my girls I'd allow them to go as well... :) Good luck!
 

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I'd certainly say let her go. I'm not a parent, but I can assure you i'd much much much rather know exactly what's going on as far as where and who she'll be with, and anything that may or will happen on that trip - is likely already happening.

Padre Island isn't called the Party-Island for nothing.

That being said, you aren't behind the times and people will respect you for your thoughts, and i'm sure you've been a fantastic mother - the morals are there, let her show them off mama.

It does feel strange doing things married people do and you'd be surprised how chastised we "unmarried" people get. I moved in with my OH when I was 17 (I was an early high school graduate) but the catch was - he lived over two-thousand miles away at college and his family is from here in Texas so, people really ragged on my mom for being an irresponsible parent letting me go but really, she knew me better than anyone and knew if she prohibited it, it'd only turn out messy in the end.

My OH and I have been together 4 years now and are planning a wedding and family and we're both successful in what we do, so I think mom knows best; go with your "gut."
 

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I would let her go, maybe things are differnt in your country to mine. Once your 18 here your parents really have no say. I was a mum at 20 :)
 
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